Timothy Sullivan Ninness 12/9/2013

Last Sunday I sat at Mass holding my new son. It was Gaudete Sunday, the Sunday of Joy. It was Timothy's first Mass and the big kids were at home. I held my boy (in peace!) and praised God for the upcoming arrival of the ultimate source of Joy. We've had a lot going on with both Thomas and Timothy's health but I wanted to remember all the ways God blessed us with this little boy's birth. He is deserving of real and pure JOY, untainted by any worry or fear.

The weeks leading up to Timothy's birthday were hard. A friend told me that being pregnant with 2 siblings to care for was harder than having 3 little children. She was so right. I was carrying a fully baked baby with a 27 lb, non-walking 15 month old on top of him. My body had almost no recovery from Thomas' birth and here we were doing this again so quickly. Pregnancy was hard. Avoiding bed rest and worrying that we would be on bed rest was hard. Parenting well and intentionally whilst exhausted and in pain and with perpetual heartburn was hard. And then the doctor informed me I was walking around more than 6 cm dilated and I could go into labor at any minute. This was scary because we moved farther from the hospital and had a 40 minute drive with no traffic. Doctor Combs repeatedly told me that if my water broke to call her from the car. She validated my fear that this child could be born in my living room and worse, without pain meds. (mama is a big baby.) So, I spent the final weeks up all night with anxiety, in pain, and in fear.

We had our 38 week doctor appointment December 9 and knew that if I'd further progressed, she would recommend she break my water and we have a baby. As any mother in the last weeks knows, when a doctor hands you an out, it takes a lot to say "no thanks, this is fun, we'll keep going." Knowing I am  comfortable with medical intervention (or just scared out of my mind of a natural birth), we went to the doctor and confirmed that our best chances of a calm, un-chaotic birth were that day. Memaw had come into town for the weekend to ease our concerns about going into labor over the weekend and was ready to care for the big kids. We were a go.

And God took away every fear, answered every prayer.

We checked in, got just enough of an epidural to not yell a lot, broke my water and within two hours we were pushing. My doctor, who I adore, was on call. We had a capable nurse and one of the 4 biggest Piedmont rooms. Mary Kate and mom were in the waiting room, as well as Sha Sha and Pops all waiting to see who this new family member was. Ross and I prayed together and feeling just the right amount of every contraction,  pushed this baby out after 3 sets of pushing.  And my favorite part of every birth, dad's announcement. I saw him literally levitate with a right arm uppercut and yell/laugh "It's a boy!"  (In fairness, I saw his face before anything else and said, "he looks like Tom, it has to be a boy!) We spent some quality time with Timothy and then Ross went out to get Mary Kate. She was the first person to meet Timothy and then walked out to the waiting room and yelled in the sweetest voice, "It's a boooooy!" Priceless moment.

We laughed and cried and I took the first deep breath I've taken in months. God gave us another son, a healthy boy. We didn't have to go on bedrest. We had a controlled, safe, un crazy delivery with the doctor I love. Our kids were well cared for (little Tom had a wonderful babysitter) and there were no middle of the night emergency calls for childcare. My instagram hashtag immediately became "fearisawasteoftime." It was a waste of time. I should have trusted Him more but made up for it in complete and utter gratitude for my second son.

Dear sweet Timothy,

You are a gift from God, our most unexpected Christmas present. We are so, so thankful that God's plans are bigger than ours and we can't wait to see what His plans are for you, our treasured son. You are light and joy and wonder and perfection. We adore you.

puffy faced mama meets perfect baby boy

Mary Kate meets baby boy

being silly with pops

watching the nurse (who was also one of our nurses with Thomas!) take care of Timothy

A thankful and excited family, and a big sister who wouldn't take her eyes off her new baby

to my three babies....

As we anxiously await the arrival of the 3rd Ninness in 3.5 years, my thoughts are on the big kids. We are seeing some behaviors in both kids that may very well have to do with their little intuitions that life is about to get cah-razy! Miss Mary Kate has had some potty training regression, having been fully trained since February. She is more emotional and mercurial.  Thomas is even more so attached to mama (didn't think it was possible). While we don't give it too much power, still disciplining disobedience as necessary, it's noticeable. Call it emotional nesting, but I wanted to get a little note down to all the kids, a little piece of mama's heart for them to read later in life. This one is for my babies...

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to my mary kate,

You are 3 years and 4 months old. You became a big sister for the first time just 14 months ago. Your transition to having a new baby in the house was truly seamless. You didn't miss a beat, loving your brother immediately. You were just old enough to enjoy other family members and activities but just young enough to not really realize what was going on. I contend that 26 months apart is the perfect spacing but maybe you were just fabulous, and maybe it was easier that y'all were two different genders. Either way, you handled it like a pro. Here we are, just a year later, and you are back in big sister mode. You understand my pregnancy and any time I wince or grab my tummy, you ask me if the baby is kicking. You have gone back and forth between saying you think it is a boy or a girl but lately you tell everyone you want a sister. You tell us her name is AnnaBeth, which is partly mama's fault because this was a name on our short list for a long time. (Due to mom and dad's disagreeing on what her name would actually be, versus what she would be called, this name got nixed :) I'm sure you'll do fine but know it will shock you to see either a boy baby or a name that is not AnnaBeth!

I told dad tonight that you are where I think we will need to really focus when this baby comes. Thomas won't understand a thing and we will just need to keep him from clawing or smothering the baby, but you, you are different. Thomas demands mama. He puts his head on my chest 20x a day, most recently even to eat. He is cuddly and affectionate and wants mama all the time. To describe you as a baby (and now, to some degree), you fell off the bed when we were at a conference with you in Nashville. You were 6 months old and afterward, you laid your head on my shoulder for a long time. Dad and I literally contemplated taking you to the hospital should you have laid there much longer. This is how out of character it was for our girl to be cuddly. Just a few minutes later you were squirming out of my arms, ready for your next adventure and we knew you were fine. To this day, if you are super cuddly, you probably have a fever. The point of all that is to say that sometimes it can seem like you don't need as much affection and tlc. You crave attention and activity. You want to be engaged. You are so like your daddy in this way and he is wonderful about filling this part of your heart the minute he walks in the door. But I know you need snuggles too. I need to remember that you like to be pulled into my lap and smothered with kisses, even if you squirm and pretend you don't. You enjoy some baby play now and like to be held after a bath or when you are hurt. In your little ways, you are reminding us that just because you don't want to physically attach yourself to me like Thomas does, you still need your mama.

So my hope and prayer these next months is that you know how special you are, how unique a creation God made you. My hope is that you see in my tired eyes my intense love for you. My hope is that on days when you really want your mama but two babies need her too, that you give me precious 3 year old grace and that you find the comfort you need in Jesus. I hope you know that my arms will always long to hold you, even if they can't physically do so. I know you will love this new little baby because you are an unbelievably wonderful sister to Thomas. You are generous, patient, loving, nurturing and kind. I promise to do my best to not think you are older than you are. I promise to remember that you are a little girl who still needs her mama and daddy, even if you look and act so much older. I promise to try not to expect too much, but to give you opportunities to excel and shine, like you so often do.

Please forgive me, my angel girl, for the times in the coming months when you will want time and attention and affection and be asked to wait. Please know how precious you are. And one day when you are a mama, maybe you will read this and cut yourself some slack. You'll read this and know that all mamas wonder how they will love and care for another baby while caring for and loving their older babies. Then your family will grow and you will just know. The love, it multiplies, and the things that make each of you unique and special will always be.

I love you, my firstborn angel baby.

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To my Tom,

Oh Tom.  Never in my life have I felt as loved by anyone as I do you. There are all these sayings about mamas and sons and every cliché rings true. This boy does love his mama. You didn't sleep through the night regularly until around 7 months, after I was pregnant. I'm sure if I hadn't been sick with this new baby, I would still be getting up to nurse you. I know how to make babies sleep at night. But I couldn't bare to hear your cry. I rock you most nights and you happily lay your head on my chest. Lately, you do it during the day, too. You are mischievous and want to be off finding trouble, but if you catch sight of me, you want to be in my arms. This has made for a very uncomfortable 3rd trimester, especially since you are showing no signs of walking at almost 15 months. But as uncomfortable as I may be toting around two big babies, one little tilt of your head under my neck is all it takes. You need and desire my presence in a way no one else ever has and I'm a sucker. Dad asks often, "what are you going to do in December?"  Your dad is an eternal, unfailing optimist. But even he wonders how I will manage the constant needs of a newborn with a one year old who has staked his claim. The answer is, I don't know and it keeps me up at night. While lately I see your sister showing me that she may have a harder adjustment with this baby than she did with you, I have not a clue what I will do with you. As most people say, you will just survive. You will either rise to the occasion and share mama, or you'll learn to like other people :) I have shed many a tear about you being asked to share your mommy when you are still very much a baby. I can easily become sad at the thought that your new brother or sister may need to be fed at a moment you just want to be held.

But then I remember what I have heard from mamas of children close in age. I remember what we believe about growing families. We know it will not be easy, on any of us. We know we will all cry and have sad moments. But you, my love, you get a best buddy just one year younger than you. This new baby will walk side by side with you through much of your life. You will not have any memories without this new person. And with lots of intentionality and effort by mom and dad, as well as God's sweet grace, you and your siblings will grow up to truly love and enjoy one another. We hope that you all will be playing badminton in the back yard as adults, sharing a beer and a laugh and will be thankful that your parents were willing to endure those hard early years with lots of young children.

So, sweet boy, I live for your snuggles. I live for the immediate smile you shoot me when I walk in the room. I live for the moments when you are fussy or upset and a few seconds with mom soothes you. The next few months will be an adjustment for both of us. I will want to put you to bed when Mary Kate or new baby really need mom. I will want to snuggle you when everyone needs to eat. And I will simply have to trust that the part of you that needs to be held and soothed, can be held and soothed by Jesus in that moment. I will trust that our heavenly father can meet any need that I can't (and more) and believe that you will not suffer irreparable harm because you had to wait to be held. You may be a daddy one day, and if you are, remember that you and your precious wife are not doing this alone. You can never meet everyone's needs. You can, however, always point your babies to the ONE who can.

I love you, my most precious Tom.

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New baby,

I'd call you by the names we think we have chosen but those changed as recently as three nights ago so we'll just have to see. You, little one, are the biggest surprise of our lives. I am looking down at the biggest belly I've ever had, wincing at the "kicks" that can bring me to tears they are so strong and powerful. I am admittedly ready for you to come in some ways, as this pregnancy has been so physically demanding. It's like the exact opposite of your brother, having been on bedrest with him. With you, every movement feels like climbing Everest. (You and I can both blame the physical toll of schlepping your brother around.) But wow, parenting a toddler and a baby while carrying what feels to be a very large baby is rough stuff. A friend told me parenting those two kiddos with a newborn is so much easier than being pregnant with that baby. I sure hope that 's the case because newborns aren't mama's forte. Anyway, your brother and sister have sweet stories about our desire to have a baby, right around the exact time we got pregnant with both of them. I don't love the word "planned" but, planned they were. You, dear heart, while planned by God, as a friend so sweetly reminded me, were not exactly planned by mom and dad. And THIS, this makes you so special. We know and trust and believe that God knows what our family needs. We know and trust and believe in HIS plan for us. We know and trust and believe in HIS ability to walk us through the challenges of young babies close in age. We know and trust and believe in HIS promise to make each of you feel loved, desired, cherished.  I'm not sure how much I know and trust and believe that mama will remain sane through it all, but am growing in my faith here ;)

You will make your appearance sometime soon, likely during Advent, this holy season of waiting for Jesus. Like the people of old waited for that most precious baby who would change the world, we wait for you. We wait for our 3rd baby, our most unexpected gift, who we know will change the world too. Because, sweet baby boy or girl, this world wasn't meant to be without you. God took the reins from our hands and made it so that His beautiful world included you. We are a little anxious and a lot excited and even more thankful.

We love you already!

It's a small (er) world

4 years ago my world was big.  My world of opportunity to do good, to serve, was big. I was an HIV social worker in an inner city hospital. I was seeing the sisters at the Gift of Grace house regularly, helping them in their ministry to the poor and sick. I was active in my church ministries. I had recently traveled to Africa. I had a big desire to do good things and a big platform on which to do them. Every day brought new opportunity to, as the sisters pray, "let them look up and see only Jesus." (It goes without saying that at any given point in a day, anyone could look up and see a very un-Jesus like person, a very selfish and sinful person in me. But the point is, if I had it in me to do some good, there was opportunity everywhere I looked. I considered this a huge blessing.)

Fast forward a few years and my world has gotten smaller in some ways. Particularly since the move, and with a baby who takes two naps a day, I am at home a lot. My heart has grown exponentially, but my opportunities for service, at least in the way I used to view service, are fewer. Ross and I believe so strongly in "to whom much is given, much is expected." We marvel at our blessings, sitting in awe of His goodness to us. And yet, we sometimes feel that we need to pay it forward more fully. But often that feels difficult because, really, who wants me to come volunteer with Thomas the destroyer in tow? Sure, I can help from 11:30-1pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'm at your service. The requests for my time and talent are not exactly abundant.

Last night, I had a small chance to make a miniscule difference so I jumped on it.  My precious friend Natalie hosted a Noonday party for Paige Knudsen. Noonday sells beautiful jewelry, clothing and accessories crafted by people trying to use entrepreneurship to climb out of their poverty. Like most every woman, I love to shop and this idea of "purchasing with a purpose" is right up my alley. (Ross is now very, very afraid.) It was a wonderful night of adult conversation and knocking out some Christmas list items while not padding the pockets of my beloved, but not so needy, Target.

It was a fun night and I was ready to go home and get cozy. As I walked to my car, something caught my eye. At one point during the party, I complimented a friend's boots. They were from my "when I have absurd amounts of money to play with" store (i.e. I go in once every 3 years), Anthropologie. I teased this friend that we wore the same size shoe and should she grow tired of them...When I walked to my car, the boots were outside my door. This friend took OFF her shoes and after a series of texts, affirmed that yes, she wanted me to have them and she was wanting to simplify. Okay y'all, I will simplify all day- with my stash of target shirts and Goodwill finds. If I buy a pair of boots from Anthro, um, no. I'd probably have them insured.

Awestruck, I came home and talked to Ross about how this affected me. I am around other moms all the time. We are all trying to shed light where we can, when we can, with our gremlins alongside us (or darting away if you are my gremlins). But for me, it's hard. Because I compare the me of today to the me of four years ago. I don't doubt for one minute that the back breaking, heart wrenching, patience testing work I do with these kids is my purpose right now. I know that this world, while smaller, is the one in which I should be putting all my energy. But it does not mean I have any excuse  to walk around with my eyes closed. Last night I was blessed by women like these who, by their quiet and humble example, remind me to stand watch. Where can I help? What small good can I do today? Is there an idea of Courtney's that can help the kids and I bring some joy today?  Does my husband need a word of encouragement? Does the lonely widower in Savannah need a card with pictures of my kids? Does a MOPS mom need a letter telling her she's doing great work?  

I left last night inspired by my friends, in disbelief that these are the people God surrounds me with, whether or not our kids let us ever finish a sentence to each other. I left knowing my world is smaller, but no less full of opportunity to pay it forward. I miss being a social worker. I miss holding the hands of the dying and fighting for the rights of the oppressed. Given the chance, I'll do that any day. But I was on the receiving end of small kindness last night. It wasn't life saving or life changing, but it was a reminder of just how it feels to be a thought in someone else's heart. I doubt I'll ever wear those hand me down boots without a heart full of gratitude for what they represent. I sit here with tears at God's provision of women who remind me to get my behind off my often self-absorbed shoudlers, who encourage me to look beyond these walls I rarely leave, who spur me to see where a very pregnant, very tired mama with very wild children, can bring Christ's love.

Women’s empowerment here in the USA often carries has the connotation of bra burning and male trampling. In India, it means ending child marriage, promoting female literacy, ending female feticide (caused by the dowry system), and enabling women to see their full potential. It means women looking in the mirror God made for them and seeing His image reflecting back.
- See more at: http://www.paigeknudsen.noondaycollection.com/blog-1#sthash.vNAzRYxB.dpuf
 

Faster than a speeding bullet

Life these days. This has been perhaps our busiest season as a family marked by a constant effort to slow down and enjoy the multitude of blessings given to us during

this time. I need only look down at the growing appendage to my abdomen to do a double take. Whoa! We are pregnant, and due in 11 weeks. Oh and we are closing on our old house (glory, hallelujah!). And we are stilllll under construction in our new house. And one baby got old enough to go to school and another baby got old enough to throw food and have his first birthday. We celebrated our 4th anniversary (and did not mark the occasion of a showered, make-upped, in semi cute clothes wife with a photo??!?). We had lots of visits from family to spend time with the kids/rescue the parents and have had a few health scares (me with baby, though all is well and Ross with another back injury). All of a sudden fall is here and it's only the change of the weather that reminds me of the passing of all this time. Anyway- it's been too long to do one big recap so life in photo...



after his dad did a horrid job of trimming, mom finally took a hint and took Thomas for his first big boy haircut. Thanks to a lollipop and his favorite lap, it was a success. Except that now he looks old and this just makes me want to keep him in jon jon's until he's 4 now.



Fall is here, which in this house, means college football. Rarely does it mean Georgia football but as her mom, I have the right to say that her Bulldog cheerleader outfit is much cuter than her gamecock one. Fashion wins.



Mama got a 22 second glimpse of life in this house as of December. Hope the new baby doesn't mind living his or her life in some sort of "tom proof" cage. Survival mode means something new with this little monster around.

Mama spent a whole 30 hours away at the dotmom conference in Chattanooga. To say I learned a ton is a huge understatement. The speakers (John Croyle, owner of Big Oak Ranch for kids, seen here was a national championship defensive end (back?) under Bear Bryant and left his chance for an NFL career to open a home for kids who need a chance.) Oh and Jen Hatmaker was there too. I hear she's great?? :)

We attempted a family day at the fair but it was packed and hot and mama was tired and so we let our girl have this joy and then bolted.

Roo Roo was but one of the visitors who came to rescue us during these oh so hectic months. Some Montessori style learnin' in casa Ninness. If only mama were so cool...

This mommy loves nothing more than a festival (or any place that sells corn dogs) so we've enjoyed some fall outdoor fun where Thomas can eat grass and mama can eat those corn dogs.

Someone has learned to accessorize and needs a part time job to support her habit.

someone else has decided he's big and wants to play like a big boy. Dear precious Tom, you could do more if you stood upright. Not rushing you, but just sayin.

A favorite activity of little miss is a picnic and since her new school is stone's throw from the beautiful Marietta square, we frequently pack lunch and have some after school play time. It's one of our favorite parts of our new town!

And oh bless him, does a man's first birthday not deserve it's own post? Poor buddy. Well, since we had been in our house all of 10 days, we celebrated with lunch with dad at the train and a cake me-maw made the weekend before (knowing this mama couldn't be trusted to get a cake). I did insist on a birthday outfit and find no problems with my ability to prioritize. Every little man would choose a smocked birthday jon jon over chocolate cake. Duh.

Hey may not have gotten a party, but this little eater was more than happy with his sesame chicken, rice and fried chips.

The evening celebration wasn't so fabulous as our birthday boy turned into a cranky pants but I did catch him taste testing while I grabbed the votive candle for him to blow out (you didn't dare expect me to have some cute singing number one candle, did you?) Later in the birthday week he earned himself 5 vaccinations and no climbage of the growth chart. Hanging out in the 1st percent in height and 16% in weight, he remains my favorite short round person on the earth.



During this hectic time, our big one year old finally decided it might be a good time to learn how to scoot (not crawl, mind you) but figure out how to get from a to b. His method works and he loves his new found freedom. Favorite destinations are to his sound machine, any cord, a door to open and close or outside. I cannot decide if him learning to walk by the time the baby gets here would be a good or bad thing but my opinion thankfully doesn't matter. Our children are never in any hurry to master motor skills (Mary Kate walked at 16 months and 3 nervous mommy days).

 

and I'll end with this because it makes me swoon.

So, we head full swing into fall with the hope that we are enjoying football on our new screened porch this weekend with healthy parents, non teething babies (HOLY COW) and obedient toddlers. Tall orders around here but when I look out, really all I see are the immense and undeserved blessings. I see a beautiful new home, ready to accommodate any future surprises. I see a pregnancy getting closer and closer to a safe zone. I see two kids who I am learning to delight more in. I see a faithful, loyal, and grace giving husband and families who hold us up. I see true, deep friendships. And most days, I'm smart enough to see who this amazing gift giver really is.

Busy and sweet

• Such random thoughts today but wanted to get some things down that I'm sure I'll forget about this oh so busy, oh so sweet time of life.

• We are 23 weeks into pregnancy tres and quickly approaching the point at which we were put on bed rest with Thomas. I am trying not to get anxious but anxious I am. The only thing the docs have said might help prevent it is to drink as much water as humanly possible. This is easier said than done, as I prefer hydration of the diet coke variety. However, I have a very long memory and remember just about every minute of that bed rest 11.5 months ago. So, aqua torture it is. Thankfully, I have been inducted into the sorority of carpool line moms as of late so I'm challenging myself to chug a liter during morning and afternoon pickups. So far, so good. I've had more water in the last few months than I have ever had in my life. No lie. And I will be very ornery if all this drinking/peeing/drinking/peeing is in vain and I still end up horizontal for these last 3 months.

• Speaking of the carpool line sorority, our Mary Kate started her first big girl school last week. Naturally that deserved it's own post but thanks be to the evil Instagram, there seems to be no need for official posts anymore. (If I go on bed rest, you people better start blogging again, p.s.) Anyway, our presh loved every minute of it and hasn't missed a beat. I am sure all kids are the same at this age, but she really does adore learning. I say that and then each day when I pick her up and ask her what she did today, she tells me what snack she had. So maybe I should ease off on the "my kid loves to learn" speech. Nonetheless, she loves school and I am loving watching her thrive and enjoy herself so much. Not a tear shed by this mama.

• And that brings me to my next random thought o the day. I don't think I cry at appropriate times. And conversely, I think I probably do cry at inappropriate times. First day of school, for example, while a little taken aback at how quickly they rushed my babe into class, I did not join the 5 moms crying over the balcony at First Pres. How awful of a mama does that make me? I love picking her up each day but whew, the break is nice. And we have another milestone approaching as Tom boy will be one year old in 12 days. The thought of it, yep, you guessed it, no tears. There are days when my love for that man child makes me tear up, yes. But thinking about the big 1st birthday? No, no siree. I have determined that it takes Stella here about a year to get her groove back after babies. I don't wish the time away, but new babies aren't my favorite stage. Instagrammers like Melissa are helping me in this sensitivity department, but I look forward to all that comes with more communicative, mobile (well, ideally. My children don't get mobile until forever and ever and ever, certainly not by first birthday) babies who are closer to having a mouth full of teeth.

• As for celebration plans for the big boy's day, poor kid's getting very little. We are moving this weekend and mom and dad are gifting ourselves with a weekend in Athens to watch Georgia stomp the chickens during the weekend before his day. Plans are in the works for a joint birthday with his daddy in October when we hopefully have furniture in our house. Sorry bud. I'll share a cupcake for breakfast with you happily on your special day. Your birthday obsessed sister will surely sing you an incorrect rendition of happy birthday 13 times and make you wear a hat you will hate. You won't be sad to see your birthday go!

• So I should go do productive things like work and pack and do some prenatal pilates to stop the barrage of pain I have these days. (Yes, doc, I know my body never had a chance to recover after Tom. I am aware that these pains are normal for "very very very close pregnancies." I so need to find Michelle Duggar's practice or some uber Catholic practice because apparently having kids in back to back years makes me a side show at my current '1.7 kids is enough, you have a boy and a girl why would you ever have more' doctor's office.) End rant.

• If you have extra prayers, we could use them. Our current house is under contract and I am praying so hard that he doesn't bail out in the last days of due diligence when what I expect will be a laundry list of inspection items he wants fixed aren't agreed to (nothing safety wise, just old house stuff.) Plus Ross is busier than he's ever been at work, I'm busier than I've ever been at work, we are moving with 2.7 kids this weekend, Thomas is cutting 2 teeth and Mary Kate **thinks** she is giving up her afternoon nap. This pace is not good for anyone but in our family it can spell Chernobyl. Trying to remember the basic tenets of our faith to put others first- their needs, their stresses, how tired they are. So, prayers appreciated that we come out of the other side of the tornado that is life right now still in love :) It goes without saying that we feel ridiculously blessed that these are our "stresses" right now. Calling them that seems laughable, though I know everything is worthy of prayer.

Hasta lluego.

First day of 3's, First Presbyterian Marietta

Walking with Sister Abelet, telling her all about her new school

loving on brother

morning breakfast picnic

 

3, 10 months, and 19 weeks

 I am not a creature of habit, nor prone to routine, so monthly posts on kids aren't my strongsuit. But there are sweet moments I want to remember and since this littlest baby seems heck bent on taking every last living brain cell, it's time to get some memories on paper.

This little person is 3. Nearly to the day of her 3rd birthday, she became sassy and bossy, testing the boundaries of what she can and cannot say to mom, dad, and other adults. Her exposure to other kids is increasing and with that, new phrases, both good and bad. Her heart is tender and people pleasing, adventure loving and curious. She says "grocery stork" and "water mountain." She calls a pineapple a "pine cone." She knows her blessing and how to sing the Lord's prayer. She does the sign of the cross when an ambulance goes by and says a prayer for Jesus to heal "their big boo boo." Is there any sound sweeter than a prayer off of a child's lips. Girl LOVES a tutu and, thanks to her daddy, loves to dance. She can be a ham when she wants to be and is happy with any audience. Mary Kate adores Thomas and except for the occasional, "that's miiiine", they are a sweet pair. I foresee that changing when he (finally) decides to start moving around and has more access to toys. She knows mommy is having a baby and changes her mind about whether it might be a boy or girl, though boy wins out usually. She will tell you she is having a boy herself. This big girl went to her first summer camp last week and to say she loved it is an understatement. A part of me feels guilty because I know she just loved the activity, the newness and intentionality by the teachers. Life around casa Ninness has been a lot of business with the new house and the first trimester sickies and having a house on the market. I need to remember why I am staying at home and what I want for my kids by doing so and get back to doing that. Anywho... The biggest upside to such a successful camp week was me now feeling 100% confident in our decision to start her in First Pres Marietta preschool. I feel like so much more of a "real" mom when I think about driving her to and from school 3 days a week. We know no one in her class so I am praying hard that she is surrounded by sweet kids and loving teachers. I could go on and on about my precious girl at this age but the book above took my uncreative self 4,000 hours to complete and says it all. We are simply the luckiest parents in the world to have this girl.

 

Now, this boy. THIS boy.

 

 

 

My Tom is 10 months old. He loves to eat, be held, be outside, be held and be held. He has a lot of desire to crawl and explore but his motor skills aren't keeping up with his little baby desires. Since his big sister didn't walk until 16.5 months old, I don't have high hopes. He is the sweetest little person, throwing a smile to anyone who smiles at him. He will eat just about anything, only having ever turned down strawberries. His favorite toy is a cell phone, with a remote control a close second. He isn't the easiest babe right now which I'm blaming on teeth and his inability to get around like he wants. But good gracious, I wouldn't exactly call having to hold a precious, snuggly boy for many hours a day a cross to bear. A priviledge and an honor- if tiring ones!  To be quite honest, there isn't anyone who makes me feel more loved than this little boy. I know, I know. My husband loves me so well, more so than I deserve. And Mary Kate loves her mama too, she just has found that other people are fun too. For the exception of daddy if  they are outside or on a walk, Thomas wants mama. Everything I've ever heard about boys seems to be true. Ross and I never had any "I want two boys and then a girl" kind of plans. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I am thankful for the chance to experience both little worlds. I absolutely dream of Mary Kate's wedding day and love our girl time together. And I so love watching the adage "boys love their mamas" come true. 

And baby number 3, with a picture to be added tomorrow after our ultra sound...

In one week I have gone from looking like there was still some Thomas baby weight to there being noooo doubt that we'll be a 3 carseat family soon. 9 months will be scary and probably not pretty but I'll use my first winter baby to my advantage and throw on a cardigan. Or more likely a poncho. I am well into my 2nd trimester and bid a big ole, "don't let the door hit you in the rear" to the first trimester. I tried to blame how hard this start was on the 2 big siblings but really do think it was the worst out of the 3. But now we're in that glorious middle zone where the heartburn is fleeting and the belly can be toted around with ease. I am feeling flutters each day and growing more and more excited for this, the biggest surprise of our lives. Father Tim was in town this weekend and offered Mass in our home for the safety and health of baby 3 and showered us with excitement for our growing family. A combination of being so sick and so surprised had me struggling in the beginning with trusting God's plan/sense of humor. Now, I feel this big belly and just smile, so thankful for the 3rd little Ninness.

God winks

Lately, I have been bogged down in fears and anxieties about small and big areas of life. Of course, just a few minutes of time with the Lord fixes this but we all know how that goes sometimes. When I need it most, well, the Kardashians are on. (gross. I know.)

Thankfully, even reality tv hasn't been able to block out the ways God has winked at me recently. I needed to write them down so to look back and be reminded of His multitude of graces the next time I am in a funk.

my fear: for the second summer/fall in a row, I will be on bed rest. I will be in a new home, unable to move a box or put a photo on a wall. I will again be relegated to the sofa, except this time with a son who is very much so attached to his mama (and she likes it that way.)

God wink: two friends gifted me with some nutritional supplements with some research showing their effectiveness at preventing pre-term labor. (Juice plus). They are not cheap and these friends gave them to me. Whether or not it works, I am able to do something healthy and proactive for my baby. Plus, I feel fantastic 99% of the time. I also now have the reassurance that we have a home big enough for live-in help should we need it again. "The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong." Isaiah 58:11

my fear: Despite giving us the space we need, I'm moving farther out than I'd have liked. We will be isolated and lonely, in a time when we may need support the most (if we had bedrest, having a new baby).

God wink: one of my precious friends is under contract less than 5 minutes from our new house. Another friend is considering the area as a possible move. I hear your prayer and concern. It is valid, legitimate. "For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them." Matthew 18:20

my fear: has God heard our years long prayer for job change for Ross? Why is He staying silent?

God wink: Ross earned a wonderful promotion at work and is excelling. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6

my fear: I will be totally on my own as I have these babies so close together in age.

God wink: a friend is pregnant with babies as close together as mine. There will be someone to receive the "what the heck did we do?!" texts. "For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help." Ecclesiastes 4:10

my fear: that we need to do more to catechize Mary Kate. She is a sponge right now and can be learning so much more than we are imparting.

God wink: I got an email from a friend of Father Tim's mom, blessing us with her knowledge of great ideas and programs to help us draw our girl into her faith. This lady does not know us, but reached out in kindness. "For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic elements of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food." Hebrews 5:12

I know that God didn't put that family near us just for me. And it may fall through. God didn't make my friend pregnant just to make me not feel like an anomaly. He didn't give Ross that promotion to prove anything to us. But thankfully, He has nudged me to see the ways that these events will bless our family, to see that He hears us. I also know that God "winks" at me probably 25 times a day and I rarely see it, so caught up in the busy-ness of life or in focusing my eyes on the things not of him.

As He gives me the grace to open my stubborn eyes, it is like new light. So thankful for a week of seeing with new eyes, recommited to shutting up and trusting He who only wants good things for our family.