Take me where you want me to go

I have lived three places in my life. Savannah will always be home and I would say a rosary a day, cook my husband dinner every night and clean tile bathrooms if we could move back there. I adore all things Savannah.

My next home was that ever so classic city, Athens, GA. This weekend, I took Ross back to that home. My heart lurched as we pulled into town, feeling waves of nostalgia, longing and comfort. For seven years, I walked those hills, ate the .50 ice cream cones from Hodgsons and worshipped in a wonderful place. Being back was the most wonderful comfort I've had in a long time.

Thanks to the kinds of friends that small towns bring, all it took was a few phone calls to get great tickets, a perfect parking spot and tailgate spot. It couldn't have been easier. We set up cornhole boards on the Catholic Center lawn, pulled out Cane's (the old Guthries!) fried chicken and began our day long people watching (dear college girls, the saleslady lied to you. That is not a skirt. It is, in fact, a bella band that you have wrapped around your bottom.)  We watched my old, firecracker friend Pam, direct traffic, yelling to the country boy who got on his cb radio asking the cars to move along "hold up, I'm doing business for the Lord!"

Despite the outcome, it was a wonderful game. We stayed with Elizabeth and Ryan and ended the night with midnight hotdogs and terrapin. I didn't think the weekend could get better, though I couldn't wait for Sunday.

Sunday was the day we got to go to Mass, alone, sans baby, at The Catholic Center. The college years were so incredibly formative for me and this place, that center, was the where faith became real for me.  Sitting in Mass, I saw the lecturn that I read scripture from and administered communion from so many Sundays. I saw people who cared for me, nurtured me, loved me. I saw the tabernacle that I sat beside in the middle of one awful night, praying for strength to keep going. I listened to an amazing homily from a priest I cherish, this being the anniversary of 9/11, that challenged us to commemorate the 'event of Christ' each day, rather than the 'event of terror' of that one day. He reminded us that the best way to honor the victims was to daily celebrate Christ alive in each of us and that the "best response to the bad is the practice of the good."

I held back tears the whole Mass, longing, longing, longing to be back in Athens. I wanted to live in this place where you can see friends on opposite sides of town in the same hour, where you can dine exclusively at wonderful local businesses, and where you sit in Mass surrounded by people who know and care for you. "Community" is done so well in that town. We had breakfast with a wonderful retired couple and Fr. Tom before we left town. On the drive home, Ross asked, "why did they love you so much?" After a quick, sarcastic comeback about my overall awesomeness, I told him that this Catholic Center community loved me as well as they loved so many. I wasn't special. Those people, that ministry, is special.

I was a sophomore on 9/11 in Athens. At the time, Fr. Jack told us of a fellow franciscan priest, Fr. Mychal Judge. Fr. Judge was the chaplain of the NY Fire Department and was the first certified fatality of those attacks. This week, on the 10th anniversary, Fr. Tom challenged us to live the prayer of Fr. Judge.

Lord, take me where You want me to go,
let me meet who You want me to meet,
tell me what You want me to say,
and keep me out of Your way.

So after a fantastic weekend in that beautiful city, I am challenging myself to live this prayer of Fr. Judge. We could probably find ways to move to Savannah or Athens if we forced it. But, as the prayer says, "keep me out of your way." I know that if I try to orchestrate our path, no good will come. I will be ever thankful for my upbringing in Savannah and for those oh so important Athens years. But I will not take for granted my precious little family or our community of friends and faith that will only grow in our little burb of Atlanta.

   

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I felt like a mom

This week Mary Kate has been sick with a virus. Her fevers have been super high, her appetite, super low. She has been fussy and unhappy. But she has also been cuddly. If you've read more than 2 posts on this blog, you know that cuddly is not my child. Even as a tiny baby, she did not curl into you, lay her head on your shoulder or show tenderness to you. Childcare workers at various places have quickly learned that if she is crying, the answer is NOT to pick her up.

Most days, I feel like what the real life of a mom looks like. Words like janitor, nurse, cook, and animal tamer come to mind. But as I was rocking her the other night, without a bottle or a book, just her, just laying her head on my shoulder and letting herself be comforted by her mom, I felt like how I always imagined it would be. I felt like a mom.

It was glorious. I would have given it up in a millisecond for her to feel better and be back to her shenanigans, knowing this cuddly version of my girl isn't really my girl. But I relished being able to comfort her. I relished holding her without her squirming out to find the next dog bone to eat or paper to shred. I relished that something about me comforted her.

showing daddy some of that same love

Come out and see us!



Hey guys- this is a wonderful, wonderful consignment sale, put on by the Mothers of Preschoolers group that I co-coordinate. The sale is run by people who LOVE consignment sales and who are incredibly adept at organizing a sale. Come see us!

Heard of late

Just some things I've heard lately (and of course, my take on them) as we head into the weekend.

Sunshine without the rain is the recipe for a desert. (an arab proverb).

I read this in Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas. I'm not far into the book but can tell you I'll be back with a summary soon. This quote struck me because a few friends are in dry places in their faiths or in hard places with their families/work etc. I know without a doubt that from the darkest times in my faith and in my life have come the most fruit. "Rain" isn't a bad thing. It's essential for new growth.

God cannot be stopped by your stupidity. (assoc pastor at Cumberland church)

Rob is the associate pastor at the church where we hold our MOPS meetings. My co-coordinator and I invited him to speak at our steering meeting this week. This so happened to be the day after one of the hardest parenting days for me thus far. I felt like a big ole fat loser in the mommyhood department and felt sure that MK's college fund needed to be transferred into MK's adult therapy fund. (obviously I can be dramatic but it's not far from the truth.) How wonderful it was to hear that my daily hiccups as a mother cannot stop what God will do in Mary Kate's life. No matter how many mistakes I will make as her mom, someone else is doing the hard work. Praise be!

Mary Susan, you may write on your leg with that marker but not on your shoes! (anon.)

My unnamed friend is the author of that hilarious statement. It makes me giggle.

You is kind. You is smart. You is important. (Abilene)

I could write a whole post on The Help but already wrote a review sometime last year. Plus every woman who has a pulse has read it by now. The movie did not disappoint and I enjoyed it as much as the book. It was heart-breaking and hopeful, sad and wonderful all at the same time. I imagine curling up in the bed with a school-age Mary Kate and reading this book to her at night.

Oh and Happy Happy Birthday to our favorite GrandFATHER Tim! Wish we were in Italy to celebrate with you. Make those youngins' take their older, wiser teacher out for a cold Italian beer!!

I think that's all for now. I am off to read up on college football because if I don't have something to contribute, there will be very little to talk with my husband about for the next four months. P.S. I love January.

Let's hope we're doing this a lot tomorrow night!

don't you wish your tush was this cute?!

Bad for my training, Good for my soul

As the big race approaches, the girl and I took advantage of the gorgeous morning weather in Atlanta today. I can't say I felt up for running but I've got a training schedule to keep and a baby who needs to get worn out in the am as I hang on for dear life to this morning nap. Sweet girl is much more aware of her surroundings these days and this "run" was pure happiness for her.  She loves seeing the dogs and points and squeals each time. Despite knowing we'd see another one in 50 feet or so, a few times I stopped to regain oxygen supply let her pet a little puppy or see one that looked like Monty up close. She clapped in delight and I breathed again. On the back end of the run, along the river, I noticed a crazy number of ducks in the water. Again needing oxygen, I knew MK would love to see all these animals. We carefully walked down to the edge of the water and she waved 'hi' and blew kisses, all unprompted, to the hundreds of ducks. I couldn't help but laugh at the little creatures. They picked at each other's backs with their beaks, chased each other, dove under water, literally shook their tail feathers and played in the water. It was a great show for MK and a reminder for her mama to stop and really, really notice the nature around me.  It's no secret that her dad is the nature lover in the family, but it felt wonderful to see the world through my child's eyes. We will be back to the river soon. Maybe I'll have a little more discipline and we'll wait until the run is over to stop and take in the beauty around us. But maybe we won't. Maybe I'll crawl to the finish line on November 5th. And if I do, that will be okay. I am loving running with my girl and seeing her world. It is a beautiful, beautiful world.

second time to stop and see the ducks on our way out (mom's run not so good today!)
*and yes, as I've said before, if we are out of the house by 7:30 am, only one of us is guaranteed to not be in pj's**

Things making me happy right now

1. Ross is reading from his childhood prayer book as he rocks MK to sleep. He is reading uber loudly. They are on the story of Jesus getting lost in the temple for 3 days. "Mary saw that her son was happy in that holy place," Ross just read. Now they are on "Learning the Bible." Someone please tell that kid how lucky she is.

2. I got out of an ADPi meeting a little early today and Ross texted me during: "beer and nachos on a patio somewhere?"  Um. Duh dear. Duh. LOVE Sunday afternoons on a porch with a cute husband, a babbling baby and a big ole beer.

3. I have lamented our Mass struggles with our independent little spirit child but we are very blessed. The folks at the 7:30 am Mass (avg age 70) are loving and accepting of the sound effect crew at St. Thomas. Well, all except one lady. She shoots looks and is never happy when we sit near her (disclaimer, I always walk out when MK transitions from "singing along" to "get me the hellsbells out of here.") Anyway- we call her the mean lady except today she wasn't mean anymore. As I stood in the back with MK, she looked back and smiled more than once. She even waved. I was kind of flabbergasted. Maybe MK is less annoying than usual (doubtful) or maybe this lady just softened to the young family. Maybe her life is less hard today so she can manage a smile. Who knows. But it made me happy that she wasn't so unhappy with us anymore.

4. My brother was our houseguest this week and happily exchanged room and board and beer for babysitting. Ross came in after 3 weeks gone late Thursday night. We met for a date at 9pm (aka my bedtime). I wore a dress and we shared a pizza on a deck. I felt 22. Oh it felt good to feel 22.

5. Our other houseguest was my BFF from age 14. Katrina had not yet met Mary Kate and their friendship was instant, much like ours was. We grilled out and then went out for a bad margarita. I love her. I can't describe it anymore. Just love her. I also love that her precious mama sent MK a dress that she herself hand-smocked on fabric from England. It is perfect and the love in that dress makes me cry buckets. Her mom also sent homemade blueberry muffins (all via the mail!!). When I think of high school, I think of countless nights spent at the Smith lazy Susan with blueberry muffins. They soaked up many a tear. I felt like the 7th child in that family and the fact that 12 years later, crazy lady Smith is still caring for me like a child also makes me cry.

6. My husband is finished traveling. Me happy.

7. We just booked a trip in January with the miles earned from the 3 weeks of hell travel. Thanks to aforementioned BFF, we also booked a house for 1/5 of the asking price for the week. The stars are definitely aligning for a trip that otherwise would have been a big stretch for us. I feel like each time I make a commitment to invest in my marriage (like 9pm impromptu date nights and a week away from my baby?!), I get it back 10 fold. We are both feeling young (er) and in love and it is no coincidence.

8. We went on a family run this morning at the river and saw lots of little girls running alongside jogging strollers or dads running alongside little girls riding bicycles. Each time I am there, I see little glimses of what I hope for our family in the future. Love it.

9. I've got major baby fever. What makes me happy is that I have finally been able to forget? or look beyond some of the less fine points of pregnancy and newborns. I also went to a baby shower last night at Noche (p.s. baby showers at tapas restaurants are the bomb) and seeing the two preggo bellys at the table made me nostalgic. I really do look forward to expanding this family!

10. Today started the official beginning of real training for that half-marathon business I have gotten myself into. While I started training early, three weeks of solo parenting + one week of sick baby and sick mama+ crazy weeks of au pair work for me = once a week runs the past few weeks.  I am actually getting a little excited about this very big goal and the glimmer of hope that I'll make it!

Quick Takes

I am low on original material lately which is directly correlated with lots of solo parenting. These thoughts may have morphed into blogs but never had the chance to do so. So, for your reading pleasure, the blogs that might have been....

1. I am not an outside runner (or exerciser). I like air conditioning, Pandora, reading closed captioning on the tv to pass the time, seeing how many calories I've burned (bad, I know), and the fact that my knees don't hate me like they do on asphalt. However, in an effort to pass time with a teething, non-sleeping, stuffed up mini-toddler, I have been running at the river. And let me tell you, listening to my child yell "doggie" and "see, see" is even better than Steven Curtis. And the top of my girl's slightly over-sized head? That sight beats anything I'll see at the gym. I may be a convert to outdoor running.

2. I think caller-ID (and maybe texting??) are  hurting relationships. Since I am awful about checking messages, I answer the phone if I see a number I don't recognize. It could be work or a long-lost friend or someone telling me I've won a trip to Mexico. But a friend calling? Or mom? (sorry ma), I make a quick judgement on whether I can talk at that moment. And despite best intentions, that call doesn't always get returned. It may get a 200 character text conversation though. And we all know that relationships thrive with such awesome communication. Duh.

3. My friend sent me this article on respecting our husbands.  She starts,  "When I married my husband over twenty years ago, I fully intended to unconditionally love, respect and admire him. I had great intentions of being the perfect wife, offering kind words, a romantic kiss and dinner on the table every evening. But then careers took off, bills increased, children were born, laundry piles grew, and life became chaotic. Along the way I subconsciously created a measuring stick of expectations for whether my husband actually deserved my love and respect." Well, sweet Ross Ninness got no promise of dinner every night but he did get other promises. And while we are in a season of lots of love and respect (and quick rebounds when we fall), I like the author's reminding of " the powerful influence I have on my husband and my marriage when I choose words that build up. Words that encourage instead of discourage. As women, we have the power to build up or tear down our husbands every day, merely by the respect we give and the amount of faith we let him know we have in him." p.s. husband, if you are reading, love and respect go hand in hand with hershey's bars.

4. My girl is either sick or is getting her dimply tush kicked by some teeth. Either way, My dimply tush is also getting kicked. She is a hard babe to comfort, not being of the snuggly variety of little girl. She is mostly just whiny and it takes about 1 millisecond of whining for me to forget that she feels like junk. I reminded myself to pray for her today, for her comfort and healing and that she, in the words of Kindergarten Cop, "STOP WHINING!"

5. If you have a husband who travels for work, please come to my house. I am going to kiss your feet. Clean or not. Ross applied for a job awhile back that would have required 70% or more of travel. I wanted the job but we prayed for protection in that decision and they did not proceed with his application. After a few weeks of a taste of that life, I am ever so grateful that he did not get that job. My husband is beyond awesome and beyond involved. And I am beyond cuckoo when he is gone.

6. I think parenting is the biggest game of trial and error ever. Or in my case, error and error, and error and error. MK turned 1 and is throwing us some curveballs that rival Tommy Hansen's. This makes me incredibly thankful for a community of moms from MOPS, facebook and among friends. We are slowly making progress on sleeping and drinking milk again.

7. My life these days looks very different from a few years back. Aside from the obvious husband and baby thing, my volunteer work and interests look different. I used to go from a job that involved abused children to volunteering at night in a family homeless shelter. My days, nights and weekends were filled with lots of hope and redemption but tons of suffering. While my heart was sincere, there was plenty of dysfunction in why I did all this too. Nowadays, I "serve"  among other moms who mostly build me up. I get to spend my days laughing with and co-miserating with beautiful women. And recently I agreed to become the recruitment advisor for ADPi at Georgia Tech. It took about 30 seconds with them to realize that I loved this. The chapter is fantastic, the women so genuine. Not a silver spoon to be found. I am realizing that I can give my time and "talent" without it putting me in the fetal position once a week. I will always be a social worker and have all intentions of returning to that career. But this time of serving without the sadness is really refreshing. And that is fine!

8. My husband lost his wedding ring. He was so worried I'd be livid. I am so sad that he was bracing himself for the wrath of Keri. I want him to be assured of loving, kind words from me. And when he told me last night, I did give him loving, kind words. He was gone for days. I don't care what is on his finger, I just wanted him home. Though we might be going to Claire's for a ring for him. It would take all of 3 brain cells for some chick to decide he was worth hitting on. 

9. I just got an email that my best friend will be in Atlanta next week. We average seeing each other once every two years. I seriously just did a cartwheel in my living room (and almost busted it on MK's tea pot!)

please note piggy tails on my mullet baby. I die.

trying so hard to get into that liquor cabinet. daddy's girl.