Reflections

A few months ago, our favorite padre asked me to contribute to what would become a Lenten booklet for college students. He knows well the love I have for that demographic and I was happy and ridiculously humbled to contribute. My assignment was to write a reflection on each Tuesday of Lent using scripture readings for the day. College students in our area have received actual print books but one of the other contributors, Rachel Balducci, (a bona fide author,) posted all of our daily reflections on Faith and Family Live. As Father Tim says, "Lent Hard."

Tuesday, February 28

Today’s readings remind us of the ever present comfort our Lord provides us during difficult times. Psalm 34 says, “When the just cry out, the LORD hears them, and from all their distress he rescues them.The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.”

How comforting are these words! Most of us have had our spirits crushed. We have known moments of despair. Many of us have looked into the face of someone we love and seen sadness. In this psalm, God validates us. He knows, better than anyone, the pain of a broken heart. He truly empathizes with us and He gives us hope. No matter how deep our pain, how lonely our nights, He will rescue us. He is close to the brokenhearted. He will save our crushed spirits. To all those suffering with illness, loneliness, betrayal, fear, insecurity, He is never as close as He is during these moments of pain. He is with you every single day, rebuilding your precious spirit.

It is in these times of pain that I find myself lacking the words to pray. Words don’t come. I know the answer lies in growing closer to Him but I can’t utter a thing. It is then that I find comfort in the prayer that Jesus himself gave us in Matthew 6—I don’t have to find the words. He gave us His: “Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…”

Reflecting on those words reminds me during those dark nights that His will shall be done and that forgiveness of self or others, or receiving of forgiveness is usually a key to finding light again. He says, “Give us this day our daily bread.” What is beautiful about this is that He alone knows what “bread” we need. Maybe the homeless woman needs literal bread. Maybe the elderly woman needs the bread of comfort from a visitor. Maybe the addict needs the bread of restoration. Maybe the student needs focus and direction. Whatever our needs are, we simply pray that prayer and He will know exactly what bread to send.

The psalm today begins, “Glorify the LORD with me, let us together extol his name.” During this Lent, may we glorify God in moments of joy and in pain. For we trust the words from Holy Scripture that He hears all of our cries.
—Keri Ninness

This and That

• Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the holy season of Lent. While there are many things I need to give up (small embryo baby cannot live on doritos alone), I like this idea better. For your marriage, getting ready for lent has some wonderful ideas for a non-fasting mama or someone who wants to make lent more about Jesus and less about the torture of giving up chocolate. Can I tell you how happy it makes me to know Jesus would rather have my time than my iced animal cookies? Such a merciful God!
• I'm sure you've all seen this but for all of us Catholics trying to learn the new translation of the Mass, it's funny

• This week is the spring Mothers of Preschoolers Consignment Sale. I just left a shift of setting up and was blown away by the quality of the items, the pricing and the variety. Come see us Friday and Saturday. We are just inside Smyrna (about 3 minutes off the 75/285 interchange. See our facebook page for details.

• Like everyone else, I could not be more thankful for this non-winter. I have to say that knowing I will be 7-9 months pregnant this summer (Lord willing) makes me fear that our mild winter might mean a sweltering summer. But I won't worry about that yet. Instead, I'll enjoy afternoons like this:

• I am tempted to wear all black the rest of the week, in a serious state of mourning that Downton Abbey is gone. I have truly never loved a show so much and am so sad it is over. Oh the final scene of this season with Mary and Matthew, MELT ME!!!  Thankfully, the Atlanta-Journal came to the rescue with Reading: For life without Downton. I will be in my favorite second hand bookstore (The Book Stop) as soon as Consignment is over this week!
• That's about all the rambling I can muster for today. Back to my iced animal crackers and a little work to round out this Tuesday!

This baby's heart beats, too

Almost exactly two years ago, I heard Mary Kate's heart beat for the first time. The wonder of being a new mom and all signs pointing to a healthy baby overwhelmed me. I was so excited that my baby's heart did indeed beat. Today, that wonder and awe flooded back. Today, I heard my second baby's heart beat. Today I saw a beautiful little profile, a perfectly oversized head and little arms. Today, I realized I did not have an awful case of the flu, as I have felt for the last many weeks. What I do have is another glorious, blessed, God-given life inside of me.

There aren't words to convey my sheer gratitude at being able to create another life. Like many of us, my heart breaks into pieces for those for whom parenthood comes with more difficulty. When I feel like I will go crazy with one more minute of nausea or fatigue, I see the face of friends who would welcome that sickness with open arms. It is not pity, just a genuine ache for them to have their hearts' desires fulfilled. I am doing a much worse job than I had hoped of handling these discomforts with grace. But I have a husband who is simply heaven sent (who went out the other night in 35 degree weather at 9:30 pm to get me a popsicle) and a baby at the end of all this ickness.

To my next precious babe,

Thanks to your uber rambunctious sister (who has forgotten how to sleep through the night this week?!?),  I don't spend as much time reflecting on the miracle that you are as I should. But today, I saw your profile and heard your heartbeat and cried at exactly that- the miracle you are.  You are the next integral piece to our family and your dad and I could not be more thrilled that somewhere around September 19th, we will see your sweet face. You are loved beyond words, beyond measure. Welcome to the world little person!

the first photo of my precious second baby

and your big sis. She is wonderful and wild and I am so thankful to give her the gift of a sibling (you may not consider her a gift at times but that will come later, I'm sure!)

Becoming the right woman

I recently read a beautiful post by Ann Voskamp who wrote "I married the right man because God can make me the right woman." Marriage is complex and wonderful and exhausting and beautiful and heart-wrenching and refining and a million other things mixed together. But what I'm realizing a big bad 2.5 years into this gig is that God absolutely can make me into the right woman for this wonderful man. It may take a little more humility than I am often willing to give, but it is absolutely possible. So tonight, I am trading in the yoga pants for a dress (okay, clean jeans). I am trading in the sticky banana on my face for real makeup. I am trading the ponytail for some actual hair product. I am trading the left-overs for a new home-cooked meal and a quick once-over for a bona fide cleaned home. I am trading tired mommy for energized wife. I will trade any temptation for criticism for grace and love. I will trade any impatience for patience. Tonight, I will practice being the right woman for my unbelievably wonderful husband. I might even watch Hannity with him. MIGHT.

To my Valentine, even had you not brought home a bunch of chocolate and these (aforementioned little beauties--see number 2-- )  I'd still want to be the right wife for you, today and always. But naturally, this helped! Being at home with our little creature is the biggest blessing in the world, but it is easy to become all mommy and less wife. You deserve much more than you get most days but give to us both so endlessly. There are two girls in this house who are so happy to have you as their Valentine. We love you!

love Big Valentine

and your little Valentine, too

toddlermonster

I should not be blogging. How I feel right now, while blogging, is the equivalent of drunk dialing. A full day with my half toddler/half monster has me questioning everything. (Yes, I know it is 5:14 and yes, I know I promised to stop analyzing during these hours. I lied.) To give you an accurate depiction of the day, Ross asked if we needed to eat dinner out. His ace card. I said no. He then asked something about guns. No guns here people but when I say no to dinner out, it's a natural next question.  I have no desire whatsoever to sit in a restaurant with toddlermonster. Can y'all tell what kind of day you will have within the first five minutes after your child wakes up? I am pretty accurate with this and today was no exception. It's just been one of those days. One of those days when I think people with multiple children are bat crazy, one of those days when I wonder what the sam heck God was thinking when he asked me to parent this kid. Surely he could have gotten someone more qualified?  I haven't yet broken into the tears waiting to flow, knowing full well that this will pass and I will be regaling you all with precious baby girl stories in no time. Please do not think I am whining but Lawd, it's just hard, y'all. 18 months is so fun, more fun each day. But it also brings a toddler who can't communicate well but knows exactly what she wants (and when). She doesn't understand discipline yet but redirecting 204,000 times a day is making me batty. I won't even put in the disclaimer about the bajillion moms whose days are harder, children more challenging. I am confident that you get where I am today. Just one of those hard mommy days where I think 5 more minutes of whining/crying might make me pull my hair out strand by strand.  Ross will come home (poor guy), he'll take the babe and the dog for a walk. I'll put on some Jesus music and cook dinner. And I know that by the time they walk in the door, I'll already be missing that "hiiiiii" coming from the mouth of toddlermonster.

picture serving simply to remind me of how sweet she was is. And I thought that stage was hard?!

Detox

All us Ninnesses are undergoing some painful detox this week. Ross and I, back from a beautiful vacation (separate post soon) are back in our jobs. Mary Kate is back to caregivers who actually do things in addition to playing with her every millisecond. I am back to meals involving translations of "uh uh uh and eh eh eh and nononono." We would not have it any other way, well, except for meals without grunting, but the week prior and just after a vacation make you wonder if it was worth it. It was. But whew.

We got a nice day off yesterday to settle back in, with the pure blessing of my friend Natalie's little boy with us. Thomson played and played with "Mary Cake," giving me some time to catch up on mail, laundry, etc. It really is true that sometimes two is easier than one. That reminds me of this amazing article I read. It's making its way around facebook but is written by one of my favorite authors. To the mother of only one child- go read and feel great about yourself!

Today was definitely the letdown day. I took Mary Kate to a music class at a local church and I struggled. I won't get into the details, but this is a MEGA church with MEGA money and MEGA ammenities. It looked like the Ritz. I left kind of in a funk both berating myself for judging what appears to be a lively ministry but also convicted about excess. All wrapped up in my head and unsure of why I was now in a total funk, I got lost and ended up in North Roswell. Betsy's blog had me craving a lunch out and I called husband. He detected the voice and his reply of yes could be translated as "no matter how much this lunch costs, it will be less painful than crazy wife later." (Did I just mention excess??) Anyway- my little detour did end in lunch but not until poor MK fell asleep in the car. No amount of go-go gadget arms tickling her face, sticking my finger in her nose could wake her up. And that 10 minute catnap at 11:00 has destroyed her 1:00 nap (as it is now 1:47 and poor girl is still crying).  That may the final straw in the "should I turn her carseat around" debate.

So we're back home and I am supposed to be making work calls all afternoon and can't muster the umph to do anything. These first few days back from vacation truly do feel like detox but I know we'll be up and running again soon.

My apologies for the rambling and some cell phone sweetness to, as my dad would say, get my butt off my shoulders!

love her hand on his back. they played like this for hours!

maybe making sure dad didn't drop the food on his shirt??

7 Quick Takes Friday

--- 1 ---

I have over-heard a few things this week that I need to remember. The first was from Rachel, reminding us not to "compare our interior to someone else's exterior." Whoa dude. Because essentially, that's always what we are doing, comparing our lives, our flaws or strengths to what someone else chooses to show the world. I don't know what my friend with the big ole house feels. Maybe she wishes she had 2000 square feet less to clean. I don't know how my friend prays for an hour a day. Maybe she has some heavy stuff to fit in that hour. Bottom line: stop comparing. Add that one to the resolution list. Also overheard during our MOPS steering meeting from Amber, our resident mobile fitness and nutrition guru, was that Chick-fil-A is not a food group. That's pretty close to being blasphemy, Amber and if you were Catholic, I'd find you a confessional. While it may not technically be a food group, it does deserve its own line in my budget.

--- 2 ---

I do not get too wound up over the latest trends and "must haves." Mostly because I am that mother who puts more thought into her toddler's wardrobe but also because to see is to want. If I don't go shopping and see all the beauty to behold, I won't want it. That works a lot of the time. It didn't yesterday. In the words I taught my friend's 3-year-old to say,  I neeeed these.  Dear husband, I gave you a child. And it hurt a lot. I'll save the www the gory details. I also gave you a dog, who sheds a lot. Yeah yeah you give me a lot too but there are no holidays coming up and I'm trying hard to guilt you into a "just because" gift.  Pllllleeease. Did I mention the 40 weeks of nausea and esophogas eroding heartburn??

--- 3 ---

Ross got me this great book for Christmas. Lisa Hendey profiles 52 saints whose lives are an encouragement to moms and whose prayers have worked miracles. This week's saint is St. Zita of Lucca. She is the patron saint of domestic tasks. I think Ross must have bought the book because of her entry alone.  St. Zita was a holy woman who worked as a domestic servant. She considered the most menial tasks to be an opportunity to show her love for God and as small penances for her sins. She scrubbed and cooked and cleaned for Jesus. Hmmmmm....

--- 4 ---

We had our first MOPS steering meeting of the new year this week. At the suggestion of my co-coordinator, Stacy, we began the meeting with prayer requests. Monthly we have a prayer meeting for our steering team but Stacy felt that there was a lot going on in the lives of many of our moms and we should spend some time taking requests and praying for these women. It was such a wonderful meeting and renewed my commitment to our organization and our mission. I am so thankful to work and serve alongside such amazing women who give so much time and effort to making the lives of young moms better.

--- 5 ---

Over the Christmas holidays, we had our favorite priest-friend come into town from Italy as our houseguest for a night. We awed him with our mad parenting skills when we took him and the baby on a hike in 32 degree weather. Apparently fleece mittens are no match for that kind of cold and our poor girl was so miserable. Not so much the serene hike we wanted to give our padre. On the upside, he did offer to say Mass in our home for us and another great couple, Kelly and Ryan Smith. It is beyond humbling to have a sacrament performed in your home and we know that many blessings come from making this little house a little holier. Thank you Father Tim!

--- 6 ---

Is anyone else feeling major letdown at the mailbox these days? It is such a bummer to go out and see three pieces of junk mail, a political flyer and a bill. Someone please mail me a picture of your dog or kid or something. Thanks.

--- 7 ---

I am very excited about some travel plans coming down the pipe. They are pushing me to trust more, pray more, and have more JOY. All good things that I can't wait to share!

Have a great weekend!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!