7 quick takes (or 7 reasons I need a therapist)

A day early but go see Jen tomorrow for enlightenment.  Until then, 7 mundane takes from a mama who needs to get a grip or a drink...

1. We bought a house. And for any future real estate agents wanting the $3.40 commisions from our sales, you are going to need to add a shrink to your team of stagers, photographers and lawyers. Holy stressful! I am aware that normal people don't need psychiatric help simply to purchase a home but a) I'm not normal people b) there is NO ZERO NO inventory in Atlanta and c) some sellers are bat.$&*# crazy. We close one month from today and I need to go bury St. Joseph (is that right?) in my yard so we don't have 2 mortgages and then I need inpatient psychiatric care.

2. Ross is bathing Thomas while I supposedly fill out school forms for Mary Kate. I just overheard MK ask "what's thaaaat?" To which Ross replied, it's his penis. His private part. I should rename this post, 7 reasons I need a therapist.

3. I saw the ob today to check on this baby I am supposedly carrying. Not supposedly because I don't look pregnant but supposedly because poor third kid, I just forget. Until the fire comes up my throat or I throw up in the Kroger check-out line like I did today. 2nd trimester, shrimester. I did score a new to me pair of maternity skinny jeans from super cute Callie and while they are only going to fit for about 2 more days, I can't resist an e-thrift deal from a stylish mama. Or any thrift deal. Back to the baby. He or she is healthy and happy and is SO EXCITED to join this family o crazy.

4. My precious Tom is almost 10 months old and has gotten about 2.3 posts on here. He is in the sweetest of phases where he adores his mama, wants to feed himself 2,402 blueberries and crackers a day, sleeps all night (took him 8 months to do so but we forgive) and isn't crawling (meaning I don't have to start mopping my floors regularly).  It's a pretty awesome stage.

5. Have you discovered Jesus calling? Please purchase. Or follow them on instagram because short of the Good Book, I have never picked up anything that speaks to me so strongly and so perfectly exactly when I need it. Today for instance... WOW!

"REST WITH ME A WHILE. You have journeyed up a steep step, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.

I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn’t bear to see all your life at once. Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you.Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My Presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you, watching over you wherever you go"

 

 

6. Change is a comin'. As I mentioned above, it looks like we are moving. This is a good thing. This is a good thing. This is a good thing. By the way I feel inside (and babble on and on and on and on), you'd expect a "we've moved..to AFRICA" card. We don't even need to get on the interstate to get to our new abode but in the world of small kids and nap schedules and I ABHOR change/ zero sense of adventure, 9.2 miles is a long way away. We will change churches and Mary Kate will start school with no one she knows (or mama knows). My stomach is in a constant state of knot. We prayed and prayed through this long process and I am 99.2% positive that these knots are because I am not trusting "that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey." (see numero 5). And I wonder where Mary Kate gets her drama queen tendency... Again, shrink please.

 

 

7. Okay I must go make my dinner of chocolate covered pomegranates and sliced cheese. Feel free to show this post to your husbands so they raise their hands to the heavens in thanksgiving for not marrying me.

 

blurry but priceless.



blah blah blah

So I'm trying to keep the blog chugging along, mostly because it's the only record keeping I do for my kids and because I gain so much from going back and reading old posts. Plus, as much as I feel the need to go on hiatus, won't 3rd baby Ninness feel totally neglected? The reality is that baby could probably care less but I do know that Mary Kate loves her little shutterfly books I make the kids every year so maybe she'll love this too one day. Anywho, there are multiple things to blame on the lack o blogging. In no particular order:

• instagram. Many of my favorite bloggers have stopped typing and now make me stalk their lives via photo. I want to beg them to come back but am also enticed by how quick and easy instagram is.
• If I posted about the reality of life, it would be one long, drawn out post about how miserable I feel whilst pregnant. And that's just tacky for a multitude of reasons. I pretty much suck at suffering, prefering whining to gratitude and misery to perspective. But let me just say to all of you who love being pregnant, you are simply proof that God plays favorites.
• Thomas is a week shy of 9 months old and still wants mama's right hip all the time.
• Mary Kate has, for the first time in her entire little life, decided she too likes mama and wants to be cuddled and held frequently by me and mostly only me. It is sweet because it's new but not sweet because I'm tired and sick and I'm sure it's in reaction to the neediness of mama's little boy.
• We are in house hunting hell. I know inventory is low but how low can it go?!? (nerd.) The schizo voices in my head go something like this.
• If you want a house with the right square footage and not a total renovation with good schools, you must move to east egypt.
• But I don't want to move to east egypt. I value, mostly for the right reasons, access to the city, the friendships we've made. So we will just wait for something to come up. But the schools aren't as great (according to online "ratings", not personal experiences there). Does that make me selfish?
• But we can't wait too long because what if I go on bedrest again (50/50 shot). We definitely need the extra space then. And can we sell a house with a pool in the fall/early winter?
• But hasn't every generation prior to our "mcmansion" generation had multiple kids in small ranch houses? Is God asking us to live smaller? Or is He asking me to move to east egypt and trust that He'll meet our needs? Or is my desire for community and fellowship straight from Him?
• Holy cow, does your head hurt? Mine does. Over thinkers anonymous!
• I will write a whole post one day on the many ways this pregnancy rocked my world (ours, but a lot of it rocked me in personal ways). Clearly God thought there was some work to be done on ole Keri.
• Another reason to keep blogging is that in the midst of all my "life is so hellacious and miserable I can't lift my head up" thinking, I recently re-read some posts from last summer's bedrest. I was reminded of how much more hellacious it is to not be able to parent your babies. So, while not much will take me out of my "noone is more miserable than me" funk, those posts have made me think differently about the needlings. Knowing there's a chance I'll be bedbound again, I am jumping up a little faster to get the non-napping baby. I really am thankful to be ABLE to parent them, despite how hellacious it can be while in the throes of pregnancy.

Those are just some of the things/thoughts keeping me from sitting down to type- that and Thomas's one hour nap maximum (He and Mister Gates Raybon need to stop conspiring!) 

*too lazy to import instagram photos. Follow me there if you can't live without photos :)

Moving toward 10

In highschool, we got jersey's as seniors and got to choose a nickname and a number. With the help of friends, I chose Spaz (it was fitting) and the number 10. 10 was for the number of children I wanted. My grandmother always said she had wanted a baker's dozen and I thought that was a bit much. 10 sounded more doable.

So we've just got 7 more to go. Unless you are counting our furry child (which I don't), that means we've got 3 kids. And we do!!

There was no question that we would try to have more children after Thomas and there was a plan as to when that might happen. And all God's angels laughed. So, we will move to zone defense (truth: not a clue what that means) a little sooner than expected. Mary Kate turns 3 in July, Thomas turns one in September, and this baby should come December. We found out about as early as you can possibly test positive so it feels like I've been pregnant forever. Heaven knows this baby isn't about to go unnoticed and is already vying for attention. Dear little one, I know you are in there. You need not make mama want to shrivel up and cry every second of the day. And that's the last complaint you will get out of me.  Because I don't have to convince myself that this baby is a gift. I don't have to remind myself that I always feared (as did my doctors) that I wouldn't be able to conceive children. I need only look at my other two needlings to get on my knees and thank God.

Mary Kate and Thomas were planned, to the month. This baby, as my friend reminded me, was planned by God, if not by us. That sounds cliche but it is true. One day I'll venture into the land of Natural Family planning conversation but a part of the reason we chose to use this method of family planning was to ensure that God got to be a part of the decision. (P.s. I know plenty of people who have been on birth control who have gotten pregnant. I know God is a part of every decision if He chooses to be). Sparing you the when's and what's, I would have never, ever, ever, thought conception was possible when it occured. I am relatively well versed in how to do this since we were able to space Thomas and MK as we chose. I know that come December, I will look at this baby and THANK GOD that we didn't prevent this life. I know I will look into the eyes of this little gift and see a blessing I didn't know I absolutely, positively needed.

That said, I'd be a bold faced liar if I didn't say there have been hard days. Having just weaned Thomas, I am a ball of hormonal crazy on top of baseline crazy. My kids need a lot, both physically and mentally. The idea that I will have enough to go around in a few months is almost unbelievable to me. Almost. Because I remember that I don't have to do it all. I don't have to be enough, do enough, give enough. I can do all things through Christ who is within me. I am not doing this alone and when I remember that, I can remove myself from the fetal position and breathe again.

So on this mother's day, I celebrated being a mama to three, God given, precious gifts. I thanked God for the HONOR of parenting them. He could have chosen someone much more qualified and patient and resourceful and energetic. But He gifted me.

And while I doubt highly we will get to 10, I won't doubt His plan for our family for one minute and hope that despite my own fears and inadequacies, I will trust in that plan all the days of our lives.

Welcome to the world little baby Ninness! You have a whole housefull waiting to meet you!!

Some quick photos of who awaits this precious babe!

brain dump, emotion version

The last few days have been rough. I can't put my finger on what, but I know the common theme is "things Keri is not doing well." I think it was prompted by my trip to Savannah. It was a good trip (presh pics to follow) but for me, lots of family time usually leaves me feeling like I kind of suck. I start (over?) analyzing everything. I want to be fun versus a stick in the mud. I want to be supportive versus critical. I want to be encouraging and loving. Known sometimes as "the religious one" in my family, I want this faith I profess to shine through. But I leave feeling like I just may push people further and further away from this person, this Jesus, that I talk about.

I can give myself grace and remember that I am not powerful enough to thwart God's plan for anyone. I cannot change His plan for their lives, even if I acted like a total horse's behind for 2 days. Ross told me to have a drink and just have fun. Why does that seem like a mountain to climb some days?

I'm back home and on day two of just feeling like there a million things I am not. I am not discliplined. I am not patient. I am not loving. I am not healthy, I am not prayerful. I am not determined or committed or intentional. The counselor in me is trying to separate who I am from what I'm doing. The objective truth is that I am not doing a great job of living a well disciplined, patient, loving, prayerful, determined, intentional life. I am lagging behind.  And I never do well in last place.

In any area of my life, the better I am, the better I am. Success drives me to do better, be better. Failure, perceived or not, stunts me. I get so weighed down with all the things I am not doing well and cannot climb out of the hole of self-degradation, and yes, sometimes self pity,  too. The trick is always to find that happy middle of acknowledging areas that need improvement while giving grace and remembering that my worth comes from doing not a damned thing. It comes from being His.

Having children helps. I try to imagine Mary Kate coming to me at 31 years old with two needy gremlins at her ankles and saying "mom, I totally suck at life right now." I would do what my mom does so, so well. I would tell her that life is not a party right now. That despite the most loving family in the world, she is doing it without grandma right down the street ready for insta-babysitting or insta-grocery shopping. I would tell her that her children are perfect and beautiful and that raising them is the most important thing she can do. I would tell her that noone gives a crap if she finishes her half marathon or throws up on mile 6, as her current training might predict. I would tell her that Jesus knows her love for Him and that she just needs to keep sitting at His feet.

I go back to that wonderful text from my friend Elizabeth:



So, I'm gonna stop the emotional projectiling and take a deep breath. I'm gonna go spend some time with Jesus and trust that to Him, I'm doing okay. Goodness knows I've got major room for improvement but, as my college counselor used to say, "spend some time on the pity pot but don't forget to flush." Flushing commenced...

Half birthday for Mr. T

My dreamboat baby is 6 months old and every cliche in the world fits. How is he halfway to one year old?  After those first 12 weeks of 4th trimester torture, it has flown by. I cannot believe it. I'll add stats tomorrow after his appointment for the inevitable comparisons of children but for now, a few facts about my favorite little man.

• is mostly an easy baby. He definitely likes to be held (what baby doesn't) but if he's dry and fed, is generally happy to play in the exercaucer or bumbo.
• immediately stops squaking if we go outside.
• is starting to interact with Mary Kate and, as all moms of more than one kid say, this is the best part about growing your family.
• has the best, biggest smile ever.
• has the best, biggest belly ever.
• loves nothing more than being in the bath.
• is an action man. Bounce him on your lap, throw him in the air, dance with him, he's happy.
• looks for his dad. If Ross is anywhere to be found, T is stretching his neck to find him. Watch the two of them for 5 seconds and you'll see.
• still loves his mama. feeling is beyond mutual
• takes 2-3 naps a day and the more consistent I am with watching the clock and not getting him overtired, the better the naps are (duh).
• likes a paci and can (finally) hold it in his mouth!!
• wakes up once a night when he can't find that paci. monster created. Don't care though because waking up once to  give him that thing is totally worth the insta-cork it provides during the day
• hates the car for any rides longer than 12 minutes. Gonna be a long trip to his first St. Patrick's day parade this weekend!
• started solid food this month. so far oatmeal and carrots are a hit. trying to not to do too much so we don't sacrifice milk supply but our little chunk was definitely ready for food that doesn't taste like diet coke.
• loves the bjorn despite mama's preference for the back preserving ergo.
• will easily take a nap in the ergo though which is so nice for flexibility in our day.
• is a round, round little butterball and we adore him.

sweet snuggle time

sweet smother snuggle time

big sister abuse

more big sister abuse (note bow)

2 favorites, his mama and his reflection

learning how to eat/gnaw on a spoon

tis the season for food hidden in the no-neck.

Litany of Humility

The post I wrote this week (see below) was a reflection on the Gospel of Luke, chapter 18. "The one who humbles himself will be exalted."  Catching up on our Lenten devotional, I found this prayer at the end of Rachel's post and it fit perfectly with what I wanted to say (and what I, myself, want and need to pray). Enjoy!

~written by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930)~

 

         O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

In Luke 18,  Jesus tells the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector. In his prayer, the Pharisee reminds the Lord of all he has done, fasting, praying and tithing. The tax collector goes humbly, on his knees, and asks for mercy for his sins. Jesus reminds us that it is the tax collector who is justified. “The one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

For many of us reading this, we are good people trying to live out our faiths in a very secular world. We go to Mass each week, we may attend a Bible study. We spend time in prayer, we fast. It can feel like we are doing so much compared to others.  We measure ourselves against a world that, these days, doesn’t set a very high bar. But even if we measured ourselves against the piety of the holiest man, it is our humility the Lord most desires.  If  we went to Mass every day, made a monthly confession and tithed more than our 10% and came to the Lord showing him all our good deeds, He would be more pleased with the person  who had done none of this but said to Him, “Bless me for I have sinned.”

There is a great comfort in knowing that it is the condition of our hearts that will hurt or please the Lord. We absolutely should spend as much time as possible in prayer, fasting, almsgiving. These things make us more like Jesus and bring us closer to Him. We just have to do so with humility. We can’t earn our way into Heaven. Jesus took every one of those nails out of the same love for saint and sinner.  We say at Mass, “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof.” We humble ourselves before we receive the greatest gift ever given, the actual body of Christ. That shows how important humility is in the Christian walk.

We will all walk through different seasons of life. There will be times when we can make it to daily Mass and monthly confession, times when we can tithe 10% before taxes. Hopefully, we will get on our knees each night of those plentiful times and tell the Lord that we are thankful for His provision and ask for forgiveness for the ways we didn’t honor Him. There will also be times when we can’t get to daily Mass, when our tithe will be in time rather than money. Hopefully we will get on our knees during those times and tell the Lord we are thankful for His provision and ask forgiveness for ways we didn’t honor Him.

Our God loves us in plenty or in want. He loves us not for what we do or give, but who we are. God doesn’t love us because we’re good. He loves us because HE is good.

 

7 quick reasons stay at home moms should leave the house daily

--- 1 ---

Not having left the house today as of 12:50 in the pm, I am reminded of why stay at home moms should leave the house once per day. Costco, the drive thru at McD's or even the place your husband begs you not to enter, Publix. If you stay at home with your children, leave the house for your own reasons, if not for these.

--- 2 ---

*assuming you are a decent human being, which I am, most days*, leaving the house requires brushing of teeth, hair, and wearing of a brassiere. It also requires brushing of at least hair of pine straw headed toddler. For this little outing, you and your family can no longer be mistaken for hobos living in a tent on a commune.

--- 3 ---

Leaving the house increases the chances you will talk to another adult. You can practice using 4 syllable words and expressions other than that made by a monkey and his yellow hatted friend.

--- 4 ---

Leaving home helps you practice legitimate and proper discipline. My friend Rachel has said that on bad days with her kids, she responds to them as if someone else were watching her. When I try this, I am much less likely to threaten to flush MK down the toilet. I've never threatened that. ahem. That said, going out of the house has me practice all the things the "experts" tell you to do. Sometimes it works. Sometimes MK looks at me like "when you are you going to threaten me with that empty goofy sounding threat again."

--- 5 ---

Exercise. On days when the only walking I do is to wipe a toddler's bum (how many times can the girl poo in one day????), going out requires that I lift two people in and out of carseats and grocery carts. That totally counts as at least half a body bar class at Ladies First Fitness Athens. (out of business since 2004).

--- 6 ---

Getting out of the house means that I will catch at least 3 stoplights during which time I will apply 4 year old mascara, blush via a lipstick tube, and a quick pinking of the lips. Ross can totally tell when I've done the redlight makeover but it is still miiiiles beyond what he normally gets.

--- 7 ---

Lastly, getting out of ye old casa means that  for the duration of time we're gone, my house isn't being destroyed with stickers, crushed goldfish or 200 diapers for 2 naked baby dolls. Any hope of a semi neat home depends on letting the kid trash someone else's home or retail establishment.

 

On that note, after nap trip planned to costco for veggie pizza and a big arse bottle of wine. Happy Friday!

 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!