Monday, May 13, 2013

Moving toward 10

In highschool, we got jersey's as seniors and got to choose a nickname and a number. With the help of friends, I chose Spaz (it was fitting) and the number 10. 10 was for the number of children I wanted. My grandmother always said she had wanted a baker's dozen and I thought that was a bit much. 10 sounded more doable.

So we've just got 7 more to go. Unless you are counting our furry child (which I don't), that means we've got 3 kids. And we do!!

There was no question that we would try to have more children after Thomas and there was a plan as to when that might happen. And all God's angels laughed. So, we will move to zone defense (truth: not a clue what that means) a little sooner than expected. Mary Kate turns 3 in July, Thomas turns one in September, and this baby should come December. We found out about as early as you can possibly test positive so it feels like I've been pregnant forever. Heaven knows this baby isn't about to go unnoticed and is already vying for attention. Dear little one, I know you are in there. You need not make mama want to shrivel up and cry every second of the day. And that's the last complaint you will get out of me.  Because I don't have to convince myself that this baby is a gift. I don't have to remind myself that I always feared (as did my doctors) that I wouldn't be able to conceive children. I need only look at my other two needlings to get on my knees and thank God.

Mary Kate and Thomas were planned, to the month. This baby, as my friend reminded me, was planned by God, if not by us. That sounds cliche but it is true. One day I'll venture into the land of Natural Family planning conversation but a part of the reason we chose to use this method of family planning was to ensure that God got to be a part of the decision. (P.s. I know plenty of people who have been on birth control who have gotten pregnant. I know God is a part of every decision if He chooses to be). Sparing you the when's and what's, I would have never, ever, ever, thought conception was possible when it occured. I am relatively well versed in how to do this since we were able to space Thomas and MK as we chose. I know that come December, I will look at this baby and THANK GOD that we didn't prevent this life. I know I will look into the eyes of this little gift and see a blessing I didn't know I absolutely, positively needed.

That said, I'd be a bold faced liar if I didn't say there have been hard days. Having just weaned Thomas, I am a ball of hormonal crazy on top of baseline crazy. My kids need a lot, both physically and mentally. The idea that I will have enough to go around in a few months is almost unbelievable to me. Almost. Because I remember that I don't have to do it all. I don't have to be enough, do enough, give enough. I can do all things through Christ who is within me. I am not doing this alone and when I remember that, I can remove myself from the fetal position and breathe again.

So on this mother's day, I celebrated being a mama to three, God given, precious gifts. I thanked God for the HONOR of parenting them. He could have chosen someone much more qualified and patient and resourceful and energetic. But He gifted me.

And while I doubt highly we will get to 10, I won't doubt His plan for our family for one minute and hope that despite my own fears and inadequacies, I will trust in that plan all the days of our lives.

Welcome to the world little baby Ninness! You have a whole housefull waiting to meet you!!

Some quick photos of who awaits this precious babe!