Surreal Grace: December 2013

Last Sunday I sat at Mass holding my new son. It was Gaudete Sunday, the Sunday of Joy. It was Timothy's first Mass and the big kids were at home. I held my boy (in peace!) and praised God for the upcoming arrival of the ultimate source of Joy. We've had a lot going on with both Thomas and Timothy's health but I wanted to remember all the ways God blessed us with this little boy's birth. He is deserving of real and pure JOY, untainted by any worry or fear.

The weeks leading up to Timothy's birthday were hard. A friend told me that being pregnant with 2 siblings to care for was harder than having 3 little children. She was so right. I was carrying a fully baked baby with a 27 lb, non-walking 15 month old on top of him. My body had almost no recovery from Thomas' birth and here we were doing this again so quickly. Pregnancy was hard. Avoiding bed rest and worrying that we would be on bed rest was hard. Parenting well and intentionally whilst exhausted and in pain and with perpetual heartburn was hard. And then the doctor informed me I was walking around more than 6 cm dilated and I could go into labor at any minute. This was scary because we moved farther from the hospital and had a 40 minute drive with no traffic. Doctor Combs repeatedly told me that if my water broke to call her from the car. She validated my fear that this child could be born in my living room and worse, without pain meds. (mama is a big baby.) So, I spent the final weeks up all night with anxiety, in pain, and in fear.

We had our 38 week doctor appointment December 9 and knew that if I'd further progressed, she would recommend she break my water and we have a baby. As any mother in the last weeks knows, when a doctor hands you an out, it takes a lot to say "no thanks, this is fun, we'll keep going." Knowing I am comfortable with medical intervention (or just scared out of my mind of a natural birth), we went to the doctor and confirmed that our best chances of a calm, un-chaotic birth were that day. Memaw had come into town for the weekend to ease our concerns about going into labor over the weekend and was ready to care for the big kids. We were a go.

And God took away every fear, answered every prayer.

We checked in, got just enough of an epidural to not yell a lot, broke my water and within two hours we were pushing. My doctor, who I adore, was on call. We had a capable nurse and one of the 4 biggest Piedmont rooms. Mary Kate and mom were in the waiting room, as well as Sha Sha and Pops all waiting to see who this new family member was. Ross and I prayed together and feeling just the right amount of every contraction, pushed this baby out after 3 sets of pushing. And my favorite part of every birth, dad's announcement. I saw him literally levitate with a right arm uppercut and yell/laugh "It's a boy!" (In fairness, I saw his face before anything else and said, "he looks like Tom, it has to be a boy!) We spent some quality time with Timothy and then Ross went out to get Mary Kate. She was the first person to meet Timothy and then walked out to the waiting room and yelled in the sweetest voice, "It's a boooooy!" Priceless moment.

We laughed and cried and I took the first deep breath I've taken in months. God gave us another son, a healthy boy. We didn't have to go on bedrest. We had a controlled, safe, un crazy delivery with the doctor I love. Our kids were well cared for (little Tom had a wonderful babysitter) and there were no middle of the night emergency calls for childcare. My instagram hashtag immediately became "fearisawasteoftime." It was a waste of time. I should have trusted Him more but made up for it in complete and utter gratitude for my second son.

Dear sweet Timothy,

You are a gift from God, our most unexpected Christmas present. We are so, so thankful that God's plans are bigger than ours and we can't wait to see what His plans are for you, our treasured son. You are light and joy and wonder and perfection. We adore you.