Monday, November 21, 2011

Many thoughts, none of them related.

I have a few posts swirling in my head, thoughts on my heart. But they are the kind of posts better written from a coffee shop than from the floor of my living room where I toss cheerios across the room, hoping to intice MK to leave my SHIFT button alone and go eat the now dog-hair covered oat.

The holidays have arrived.  This brings an unneccesary amount of anxiety for me and I am spending a lot of time in prayer about it. Ann Voskamp says that the feeling of joy begins with the action of thanksgiving. So, appropriately so, I'm working on thanksgiving and hoping that the joy of family begins to supercede the anxiety of travel/sleeping arrangements/sleep schedules.

Mary Kate is 16 months old and has recently decided that she really likes me. Since she spent the previous 15 months ambivalent about my comings and goings, I love this. I love that she is clearly choosing me over others sometimes and that she does, indeed, see me as someone she loves and trusts.

Because of the separation anxiety mentioned above, I am now that mom. After years of babysitting/nannying and years of watching how it took all of 3.5 seconds for a screaming, tearful baby to forget that their mama just left them, I am that mom who wants one last hug. I am the mother that I hated babysitting for. I hope that those years of comforting others' babes will continue to help me kiss the girl, tell her mommy will be back, and then have mercy on the poor babysitter and leave! It's hard, but I'm giving myself another week of being that annoying mother. Babysitters, just give me grace. It took that child forever to even care if I left!

I have decided that the person who said "marriage is hard" probably also said "childbirth hurts a teeny bit." Both are ridiculous understatements but both bring amazing amounts of refining, growing and blessings. I say this with not a tinge of judgement in my heart but I honestly do not know how people without faith manage the complexities of marriage. They have a chip that I know does not exist in me. I am thankful that on days where we aren't feeling all lovey dovey, we (on good days) remember to love each other out of obedience to God.

I have seen a few episodes of American Muslim. It fascinates me the way Sister Wives does. I really enjoy getting a tiny glimpse into how other cultures live. I hope American Muslim sheds light on the the many misconceptions about this religion.

I am still running and think I will keep it up. I am way NOT addicted to the actual running but am VERY addicted to the hour all to myself each day, even if it is at 6am! It has done wonders for me emotionally, psychologically and physically.

A personal goal for me is to not live or die by the length of MK's nap (as she screams 1.5 hours into a normally 2.5 hour nap). Since she has dropped to one nap, I obsess over the length of that one nap. It is admittedly as much out of desire that she be well rested and healthy as it is out of my own need for sanity. Any advice on how not to freak out over naptime/length would be greatly appreciated (especially since the next month will bring lots of naps in others' homes!)

Okay- that's enough mindless stuff no one needed to ever know! Have a wonderful thanksgiving!


  1. I just wrote you the longest note and it deleted. Agghh! Anyway, point being - dont stress over the nap. It'll get there - it took B 6 months to do a good 1 nap and when he did it was beautiful- 3-3.5 hrs. William was alot easier bc I didnt worry about it! Dont let your whole day be made or broken by the nap like I did for so's not worth it I promise. And it makes the marriage thing harder. I love your thoughts! Love you!

  2. Wow, I could have sworn I wrote this post. We are going through all the same things, my friend. Holiday and travel stress me out - marriage suffers from being at home with a clingy kid all day - naps really stress me out - and I am "that Mom" too.

    I have learned that you can never count on a good nap. The one time you don't care they will sleep 3 hours and the time you are quiet and need them to sleep they only sleep an hour. just the way it works I guess.

    My marriage grows stronger every day, but having a child makes it so much harder. There is less time for the two of you and less time for Mommy alone. I am lucky Robbie has seen the clingyness of our child and relieves me when he can. Hawkins is an angel, but when he actually pulls my pants down from tugging on them it is not funny.

    We just traveled for 5 days over Thanksgiving and Hawkins really surprised me how well he did. I think we need to give them a little more credit...and more cookies when needed :)

    Great post!

  3. I just love your posts and your honesty! Good thing we waited and married the right men because man it is hard!!! So worth it but just plain hard! I love reading about your sweet blessing and we should definitely do a play date again now that the girls are older and could actually play!