Lately, I have been bogged down in fears and anxieties about small and big areas of life. Of course, just a few minutes of time with the Lord fixes this but we all know how that goes sometimes. When I need it most, well, the Kardashians are on. (gross. I know.)
Thankfully, even reality tv hasn't been able to block out the ways God has winked at me recently. I needed to write them down so to look back and be reminded of His multitude of graces the next time I am in a funk.
my fear: for the second summer/fall in a row, I will be on bed rest. I will be in a new home, unable to move a box or put a photo on a wall. I will again be relegated to the sofa, except this time with a son who is very much so attached to his mama (and she likes it that way.)
God wink: two friends gifted me with some nutritional supplements with some research showing their effectiveness at preventing pre-term labor. (Juice plus). They are not cheap and these friends gave them to me. Whether or not it works, I am able to do something healthy and proactive for my baby. Plus, I feel fantastic 99% of the time. I also now have the reassurance that we have a home big enough for live-in help should we need it again. "The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong." Isaiah 58:11
my fear: Despite giving us the space we need, I'm moving farther out than I'd have liked. We will be isolated and lonely, in a time when we may need support the most (if we had bedrest, having a new baby).
God wink: one of my precious friends is under contract less than 5 minutes from our new house. Another friend is considering the area as a possible move. I hear your prayer and concern. It is valid, legitimate. "For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them." Matthew 18:20
my fear: has God heard our years long prayer for job change for Ross? Why is He staying silent?
God wink: Ross earned a wonderful promotion at work and is excelling. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6
my fear: I will be totally on my own as I have these babies so close together in age.
God wink: a friend is pregnant with babies as close together as mine. There will be someone to receive the "what the heck did we do?!" texts. "For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help." Ecclesiastes 4:10
my fear: that we need to do more to catechize Mary Kate. She is a sponge right now and can be learning so much more than we are imparting.
God wink: I got an email from a friend of Father Tim's mom, blessing us with her knowledge of great ideas and programs to help us draw our girl into her faith. This lady does not know us, but reached out in kindness. "For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic elements of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food." Hebrews 5:12
I know that God didn't put that family near us just for me. And it may fall through. God didn't make my friend pregnant just to make me not feel like an anomaly. He didn't give Ross that promotion to prove anything to us. But thankfully, He has nudged me to see the ways that these events will bless our family, to see that He hears us. I also know that God "winks" at me probably 25 times a day and I rarely see it, so caught up in the busy-ness of life or in focusing my eyes on the things not of him.
As He gives me the grace to open my stubborn eyes, it is like new light. So thankful for a week of seeing with new eyes, recommited to shutting up and trusting He who only wants good things for our family.