I am writing from home, my first day off from work as we wait for little baby Ninness. (sorry to anyone if this is tmi. Remember these blogs are our journals as well!) As of Tuesday, we were 4 cm dilated, 75% effaced and at -1 station. Doctor Julia was very surprised and did not expect us to get to next week's appointment. I went to work Wednesday but between some anxiety and some contractions at inopportune times, i.e. in patients' rooms, I decided to stay home today. We have lots of contractions but nothing too consistent yet. We've also had some not so dignified other things occur that are teaching me about my need to release some of my major modesty. Childbirth and pregnancy are clearly not for the modest.
So, while in the midst of waiting for little one, I am totally pulling a Keri. I am half hoping baby comes so I can quit wondering "is this it?" I am also half hoping that baby waits until Saturday when Grandpa Pat gets home from the middle east. Yesterday I called mom and Katie, stressing out that they might not make it here in time and then insisting they stay home until contractions were regular. I am a walking emotional ping pong ball. One minute, I am confident in God's plan for the baby's birthday. The next, I am trying to figure out the best day to have a baby, keeping all the important schedules in mind (dad's return from the war, Patrick's wedding). Someone needs to chill the heck out. Not pointing any fingers.
That need to chill out brought me to my morning blogs. Betsy wrote today about praying 'not to miss this.' She gives credit to another precious blog but the point is that God gives us thousands of tiny moments a day that we totally miss. Since contractions started at 6:30 am, I missed the beauty of the squirrels scurrying around on our front lawn, knowing how much Monty would love them. I missed my husband stroking my arm. I missed my puppy smiling so sweetly, begging (successfully, sorry Ross) for the pepperoni off my Little Caesar's breakfast. I missed my husband's kiss goodbye (did he kiss me goodbye??). I have between 24 hours and a week or so left when my time is my own. I can blast out to Kevin and Taylor in the morning in my car and not a 'frog song' like Besty. I can watch a baby story, instead of Baby Einstein, like my precious friend Natalie. I can do whatever I like with my time and my husband's time. And while I know these girls wouldn't trade a millisecond of their lives to go back in time and nor will I, the lesson is to 'not miss this', whatever this is.
Today, these are the last days this baby belongs all to me. I don't have grubby grandma hands or aunt fingers stretching to take baby out of my arms. I don't have to share with daddy or cousins or anyone. These days, this baby belongs to mama. These are the last days I can freely go out to eat with Ross without paying a babysitter or bribing a relative. These are the last days I can walk the dog, just mama and puppy (which happens too seldomly). So, today, on this day, I am going to take the advice of my college friend turned blog friend and pray, during some needed quiet time, that I am present in the moment this July 1, 2010. I will pray not to miss the baby who just quickly moved at my request (and the assitance of a big gulp of coke), the feeling of that babe's knobby Ninness knees poking me. What a wonderful feeling.
To Little baby, we cannot wait (like really cannot wait, please hurry up) to meet you. We cannot wait to know that you are safe and healthy and to see the beautiful face God has given us to raise. Hopefully, God will continue to inspire mama, through other people who so humbly and freely share their hearts on the great community that can be the world wide web. You are loved beyond comprehension. We hope you love us too!