Thursday, July 29, 2010

This ain't for the weak of heart

There may be a little bit longer between posts. I don't want to be debbie downer and I also don't want anyone to miss the joy that exists in this fatigued heart. So much gets lost in translation in emails, texts, etc and more than anything, I want my gratitude and overflowing love for Mary Kate to be seen. But it's hard to get that message across in the midst of what is such a trying time. I can say that I am learning a lot, being refined every day, and while some days I don't know how we'll make it another minute longer, I know that this is my vocation.

Mary Kate is growing (she better be with her desire to eat non-stop. seriously, non. stop.) and is more alert each day. Efforts at being really intentional with our time together are paying off and I am learning more about her. Approaching her 3 week birthday tomorrow, we already know that she loves to be outside and the great outdoors is like a cork for her crying. We know that she likes when her daddy skips around the house in circles with her laying on his forearm and likes when her mama sings "My girl" to her. We know that she sleeps better in a swaddle but is a little houdini and keeping those arms down is like working for world peace. We know that she does not like having her diaper changed but is becoming less traumatized by it each time. I should hope so, since we repeat this act 650 times a day. I am learning that I should have really done more research on cloth diapers because we will deplete our 401k's on disposable diapers. I never imagined they'd go through so many.

I can only imagine how mundane this sounds to the outside world, so forgive my efforts to talk to someone other than a grunting baby and an overweight golden retriever.  As I am reminded often, this time will go very fast (I could handle it  going a teensy bit faster though) and I don't want to forget these special times with our girl.

I never, ever, in my wildest dreams imagined this particular season to be so challenging but as many of you have said, it passes and the next thing I will know, she'll be a toddler throwing food on the floor in a restaurant. Each night, I tell myself, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and every morning around 3-4 am, I roll my eyes at that scripture, thinking it applies to everyone but me. But alas, we woke up today. We got dressed (sort of) and were out of the house for a sweet playdate with Jennifer and Elizabeth. I may or may not have grabbed one of those wisk disposable toothbrushes as we ran out the door, realizing that we did not, in fact, brush our teeth. My poor child. Anyway, we are making it out of the house more days than not and are taking this journey millisecond by millisecond.

So if I'm away (though Lord knows I can't stay quiet too long), it's because I can hear my mama saying "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." And rest assured, there is plenty of nice to say- about my amazing husband, my sweet little girl, our supportive families. However, until this sleep lover gets more than 3 hours consecutively, I can't remember all of those nice things.

Off to feed the child. It's been 7 minutes already!

and just cause it's sweet...


  1. girl, you know how much i can relate. hard is too nice of a word to describe those first few weeks/months. i crumble without sleep and can't say i'm looking forward to doing it all over again. hang in there and complain whenever you want. i'm always afraid people will think i'm ungrateful when i do, but all the more reason to surround yourself with people who love and support you and who you don't have to perform for. we've definitely got to do a playdate when my little one arrives! then you'll be on a roll with yours and i can cry to you about my sleep deprivation.

  2. MK is so perfect in every way! she is so sassy about those diaper changes, i wonder where she gets that attitude? we are off to the beach for a week and then i am going to RUN to your house to snuggle that beautiful child!

  3. but please call me while i am at the beach when you need to vent - i am going to need a break from the fam every once in awhile if you know what i mean :)

  4. You're doing a great job! If anyone is capable enough...its you. I hear you on sleep, missy...but you have something to hold over the med students at work. I once read that in the first year of parenthood the sleep deprivation eclipses even that of med school residency! So no more whining from them!!!

  5. Keep it up! You're doing great! I am amazed that you can blog so clearly; I couldn't string a sentence together much less sit still long enough to blog...too busy making sure the baby was still breathing...ha ha.

    Keep up the blogging; you're great at it - and don't worry if you go for a while not doing it. You're such a great writer that we will all be waiting patiently for your next post, totally understanding that you've got bigger and better things going on...