relish

A few minutes ago my girl stood up in her wicker chair and looked at me, waiting for the "please sit down." Her hair is pulled to the side in a bow that she hasn't realized is there, or it would not be there. Her little mullet has grown and her hair is longer in the back. Now she is standing up at her basket of toys, reading a book outloud. She has a small case of saggy pants and her precious pot belly is peeking out of her lime green shirt. She has grown a foot overnight. A piece of soft french bread is met with "da du" for thank you. She walks more than she crawls. She begs for her "bow ber" (brown bear) book. She says "uh oh" when she drops something. Ross says a few times a day "she's so big." There is no baby left in my baby.

I realize this is a nauseating post for anyone outside of my immediate family but I needed to write this in hopes that I relish my next baby a little more. I adored the baby Mary Kate. I loved that baby immensely. But new mommyhood kicked my butt. I prayed for the first 8 weeks to go by quickly, believing that she would sleep through the night then. (She did, if sporadically) Then I mostly endured the months before she napped regularly and the months of seemingly around the clock nursing. I endured those first months with a baby. I should have relished them more. Then I waited on milestone after milestone instead of relishing the now.

I don't say any of that to beat myself up. I know most new moms have similar experiences. But I look forward to baby number two, whenever God blesses us with that new creature. I look forward to relishing the baby time. Because I cannot blink away the tears fast enough, realizing that there is no baby left in my baby. I didn't miss it, but I definitely experienced it in a haze. While future babies will not know a time with their parents alone, something we've been happy to give MK, they will have a mama who is more aware of how fast it all goes. They will have a mama who spends more time relishing all their babyness.

Oh my precious girl, please slow down. This heart of mine cannot take you growing up any faster. But because I know you will keep doing this growing, I promise to relish you more and more. You are a nearly 17 month old, walking, talking, sassy, feisty, stubborn, independent, precious, precious little soul. I understand just a little more how our sweet Lord loves me by the nearly tangible love I have for you.