MK will be two months old Thursday. It feels like she has been here forever. She is finding her little 'voice' and, knowing both her big mouth parents, I am sure it won't be a 'little' voice for long. Her coos and huge smiles crack me up. She inherited some not so desirable traits from us, hair from dad, droopy eye from mom, but she's pretty much the most gorgeous kid that ever lived. So there :) I love the way she wraps both her arms around Ross's neck when she's on his chest. I love that the changing table, previously a torture device, is now where I get my biggest smiles. I have been known to read books to her right there after diaper changes. I now love to nurse her and feel proud to be able to nourish her like this. I love, love, love Sunday Mass with R and our girl. It is where I feel most like our own little family. I love to put her in a smocked dress that her aunt Roo or I wore and snuggle her and pray into her sweet ears.
I will also keep it very real here though and say that on some levels, this job is getting harder. I am having some slight identity crises and have to constantly remind myself that this is where I know I am supposed to be. I love that kid with every breath I take. But on paper, my job description has changed from helping folks live and die with dignity from HIV to changing 10 diapers a day and running the laundry as many times. I have gone from talking to physicians about what they can and cannot do with a patient's discharge plan to telling Monty to sit and deciphering Mary Kate's gas issues. I have gone from feeling competent and able to, many days, feeling like a total failure at this mom job. Now, I know not to trust the paper too much. I know that the greatest job I can possibly have, the greatest priviledge, is to raise this little chicken into a woman of faith, grace and compassion. But I struggle with contentment in my new job. I struggle with feeling successful without a paycheck, as meager as it may have been. I struggle with wanting to be successful at home- I never really cared if the floors were clean or dishes were put up (former roommates are nodding!!) It's hard to shift my brain into redefining what success is for me. My friend Elizabeth suggested choosing one thing, maybe cooking, that made me feel successful at the end of the day (former roommates now laughing) but she's got a point. Right now, I am just praying for contentment in this new life we have willingly and prayerfully created for ourselves. I wouldn't change it for a second but ooooh is the grass always greener on the other side! So, if you would, pray for my husband's continued compassion for me and patience with me. Please also pray for my heart to catch up to my head and be filled with confidence that I'm where I was created to be. Many thanks!!
And totally off topic- but sweet pics of a great labor day with friends!
Happy Wednesday kids!