Monday, November 8, 2010

Figuring it all out

I am sitting here while MK is doing that thing she never does which I won't say outloud for fear that she will stop doing it.  I realize I need to have a list of things I should accomplish if/when she does that thing I won't say. Instead of doing any of those things, I'm thinking. (as mentioned before, this is a bad idea usually). Anyway, yesterday I saw my girl's birth announcement on my sister-in-law's wall. I realized that little missy's face has changed so much. She looks little like the newborn she was. She is chunkier, more animated, more lovely. And I barely remember it. So while I do not want this blog to be a stay at home mom's effort at communicating with the outside world, full of weight percentiles and developmental milestones reached, I also know that these first months turn your brain to mush and this blog may be my only way of remembering these special/crazy times. So, grab some ginger ale for the nausea if you are still inclined to read the sometimes/often nauseating accounts.

Today my thoughts are on figuring it all out. The transition from adrenaline-junky, drama thriving social worker to SAHM with puke on her new target shirt has been a challenging one. (disclaimer just once- I am so, so aware that 90% of full-time working mamas would love to have the choice to do this. That I even have a choice is such a gift. I get that, so much.) That said, I don't quite know what to do with myself. It's such a delicate dance of getting out of the house, keeping my sanity, being involved outside of the house while respecting our budget and having really intentional, really quality time in our home with our girl. I will say that this familia has made mega, mega sacrifices for me to be at home. We are foregoing many of the pleasures I would looove to have but need like I need a hole in my head. I want to have lunch each day with a friend or my husband- to get out and have adult conversation. This does not equal budget friendly. I am having to figure out how to get creative with getting out but not spending. And don't tell me to take a walk. Yes, it's a good idea. But I'd like sweet tea and some fries on my outings. Thanks ;)

I am also figuring out things like how often the house should be vacuumed and that if I am staying at home I should now clean things like blinds and baseboards. Should I be organizing our junk drawer and making schedules for our family. What does one do in this new role? I am slowly getting into a groove but it has not been easy. I am so thankful for working friends who acknowledge how difficult staying at home can be. I feel like such a brat even writing that it can be hard. Good Morning America had a segment on the happiest people today and one of the indicators was at least 7, SEVEN! hours of social interaction a day. I about coughed up my waffle. As a social worker, I see the truth in that and know that this has been one of the hardest areas.

So we'll keep trudging along, keep trying to figure out what this new life I have been gifted with looks like. I keep coming back to a quote I found by Martha Washington.
"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances"

Since my child is now no longer doing that thing she was doing so I need to run but instead of bemoaning the end of my alone time, I will choose to see it differently, to have a different disposition. Because this kid is my heart and soul. And even if she never ever does that thing (please God help me here though), I am still so, so thankful that I get to be with her every day, watching her discover the world, hearing every new inflection in her newly discovered voice, watcing her finally find her thumb, seeing her wide grin when she stops nursing long enough to look at me with her big ole blue eyes sparkling and crazy hair standing straight up. And while I am eager to find a groove for these days at home, I am happy that I get to figure all this out alongside my gorgeous, gift from God, my precious partner in crime!

totally irrelevant but love the pic! 1st braves game :)

1 comment:

  1. Hey girl, just hang in there. Once MK starts crawling, then walking, then all the other stuff, you are not going to have a second to think; all you'll have time to do is CHASE!!!

    See you later today!