lucky girl

Many moons ago, Ross and I decided I would stay home with our children. It was a personal decision made after much prayer. It was right for us. Naturally, it wasn't until our girl was born that we realized just how much that decision meant. It meant more joy than I could ever imagine and more sacrifice than I anticipated. Give me five minutes and I would happily rattle off all the sacrifices I have made. From putting a career I loved on hold to spending 99% of my time with someone who grunts for conversation, I have felt that, while worth every millisecond, I have certainly sacrificed.

Today I sat in the end of the year luncheon for our church Bible Study. Surrounded by 100 women, I closed my eyes during the final prayer. Filled with peace and gratitude for this group and what it has meant to my Monday mornings, I had an image in my mind. It wasn't my group members or the leaders who have facilitated such a spirit filled place for women. It wasn't the new friends I have met, encouraging me in my faith and role as a mom. It wasn't even the childcare workers my daughter loves, giving me that weekly time to fill up my own cup to be a better mom to her. The face I had in my mind was my husband's.

For all the sacrifices I have made, the ones Ross has made enabled me to be in that room.  You won't hear him use the word sacrifice because he is the single most optimistic person on the earth. He would never think about what he could do with my extra salary (or what it might be like to live with someone who "got ready" for the day.) But he sacrifices plenty for us, for us to live this life, for me to be in a room like I was today. I think he knows that this Bible study and MOPS make this job at home bearable and better. I hope he realizes I am a better mom and wife because of them.

I could just cry thinking about this man today. While he never expresses any need to have more "things" that a second salary might buy, I know this man would love to plan a hiking trip without factoring in naptime. I know he would love more time at the lake.  I know there is pressure in being the sole provider for a growing family. He takes all that on, with never a peep of complaint. He gives and gives and gives some more.

I sat in a room today, feeling so at peace and so filled with love, knowing EXACTLY how lucky I am.