Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The inevitable wall hitting

It has happened. I figured it would. And frankly, it happened about 5 weeks later than I assumed it would. But I did not escape it as I had begun to hope I would. I hit the wall. More accurately, I slammed, head first, into the wall. Driving home from dinner tonight, it hit me. I have 2 children. 2 children who are wonderful and delightful and precious, yet still manage to feel like 22 children most days. As Ross said in the parking lot of St. Angelo's, "The salad days are over." Yes, sir, they most certainly are.

I feel like on any given day, I could flip a coin for a blog topic. One side would be the peaches and roses and McEntyre's cupcake version. The other would be the what the hail holy heck have I gotten myself into version. Guess which one won today??

Really, I couldn't have asked for an easier transition to two kids. I had THE perfect delivery. I was at Cathedral Bible Study exactly a week after Thomas was born. I have not called the doctor once with any delivery/post partum related issues. I can't complain. I shouldn't complain. But as I mulled over whether or not to vent/complain/melt down to Ross tonight, I decided I get to have a few moments of shock. I told him, "it would be like Bill doubling or tripling (or gazillionizing) your workload. It's just catching up to me." And catching up it is.

Lack of sleep is catching up. Disciplining a toddler is catching up. Trying to make this a home my husband actually wants to come home to is catching up. A whole new human soul entering a family isn't small potatoes and I think it's okay to acknowledge that. Especially a soul who needs his very own personal washing machine and dryer. Good heavens the laundry!

We are making it fine, truly. We are out almost every day with one commitment or activity or another. Mary Kate simply could not love this boy child more. And we are just now making our own meals (hence the pizza dinner out!).  But one day Mary Kate is going to have a baby and I hope she reads back through here and thinks, "oh my gosh, my mom, the mom who made a 5 course meal every night and had fresh baked cookies on the table after school and hand-smocked my Easter dresses- she struggled too!!" (Please tell me you read the sarcasm in that!)

After I had Mary Kate, Father Tim so sweetly told me that he could be a saint any day with a full night's sleep. So I'll attribute all the million minutes of un-saintly behavior and thoughts to Thomas's early morning parties. I know the wall will break down soon as we get out of this crazy/blessed/challenging newborn time. Until then, I'll savor the feel of Thomas's round little head fitting right into my cheek and the sound of Mary Kate singing her Bible songs. I'll treasure the comfort of laying my head on Ross's chest, trying to absorb his cheery outlook and strength. And when I run into this wall again, as I know I will, I'll take a deep breath and know it's just a season.

There are worse reasons to be tired!

my precious loves


  1. oh darling friend! i promise promise promise it all will pass. and this will be a blur. but just rest in the dirty laundry, the disobedient toddler (although i don't believe that part), the 2am hungry babe, and know that you are doing EXACTLY what God wants you to be doing! EXACTLY! He wants you there, washing clothes, nursing that angel and listening to that sweet girl talk your ear off. you are simply doing what He has called you to do. and doing it beautifully. nobody said it had to be pretty. i am so proud--what a wonderful mother you are! know that i am saying prayers for you to get some rest...i know that part is brutal. i truly do....and keep doing God's work. oxoxxoox melanie

  2. Love the post Keri! I can totally relate. Brooks is 3 weeks old and I've already hit the wall. I saw your 2am facebook post today and thought wow, she has a great perspective on the night feedings. It's good to know I'm not alone in my thoughts and feelings. It's also good to be reminded of the good parts of this stage. I hope we both start getting more rest, can persevere through the hard days, and look for the positives. Mecall