Lessons

I just posted a blog I wrote from the hospital. I waited a few days to post something that I knew was written from foggy eyes and a tired heart. But as I re-read it today, I realized I don't want to forget these days. I am confident of nothing more than the idea that there is great PURPOSE in all of this. As with any hard time in life, I know I will look back, read these posts, and watch the hand of God in every minute of this journey. We are praying hard hard hard that another hospital stay is not in our future, though my body keeps us guessing. I think the only thing that stopped an admission back to Piedmont yesterday was a full on meltdown on the phone with the nurse who gave me 24 hours to feel better. I'm sure it was out of sympathy for the antepartum nurses, too!

I am on day 2 of being at home on strict bed rest. As the nurses warned me, being home poses its own challenges. Watching life happen from the sofa and not being able to contribute (or intervene!) is hard. But today I am so thankful for my small, one level home that allows me to still be a part of the chaos. I am thankful for the delay in an answer to a prayer about Ross's job. Him being 5 minutes from home is an invaluable gift right now, enabling him to be home at lunch and to rescue us quickly if needed. I am so utterly thankful to be home.

The challenge now (other than keeping baby baking) is to keep my mind and heart strong. I am not being falsely humble when I say that I am not the strongest person alive. Strong willed, maybe, but not mentally strong. My husband comes from a long line of "put your head down and push through" type of people. I am more of the "if I cry enough it will surely get better" kind. There wasn't a nurse in the hospital who didn't get a big old dose of ugly cry from me this weekend. But since I've been home, I've kept it at bay for the most part. It seems terribly self-indulgent to cry when surrounded by a near constant influx of generosity, kindness and love. It would bore you to hear a litany of the blessings poured on our family in all forms, but let's just say I have a lot to pay forward when this season is finished. I will throw in a few bullets of things I am absolutely assured of since Friday.

• I married the right man.
• Community (MOPS, Cathedral Bible Study, Gift of Grace family) is essential to life
• Close girlfriends are a necessity. Absolute necessity. Air. From texts to care packages, to emails, facebook and blog messages, to meals dropped and prayers said, these friends are light in moments of dreariness. 
• Family should not be taken for granted. No matter how complex the relationships, they are to be valued. And their love is unmatched.
• There is a purpose for this time and for this little trouble-making life inside of me.
• The vocation to family life calls us to self-sacrifice every day (wisdom courtesy of Sister Brunetta). Lots of growing up going on at casa Ninness.
• My j.o.b. is to stay in bed and protect this precious little life.
• My daughter can not only survive without me, she is thriving with new people and new experiences (thank you, precious Natalie and Kristen). This season is not negatively affecting her and this may be the greatest gift to me of all.

I woke up today with a terrible headache (constant side effect of the meds I'm on) and whining to God about how I'd make it through another whole day. As recommended from a previous bed-rester, I took a quick bath. A crazy friend sent me half of Sephora's current stock so I threw on some make up and began the transformation to feeling human. I plopped myself on the sofa as my sister got MK ready for vbs. I looked over to Mary Kate running in holding her favorite Bible (thank you Saints and Shamrocks) , yelling "bibble bibble." Without hesitation, she crawled into my lap, ready for me to read about Joshua. There are certainly worse ways to spend a morning.

We'll take this little detour day by day, knowing how many thousands of women have done it before, and knowing that this little gremlin is worth every minute of inconvenience.