December 29, 2009
and quicker than one might have ever dreamed...then comes the baby carriage!
The delay in posts here has mostly been because I haven't wanted to tell the world wide web about our newest news. And I couldn't think of anything else to say. But as we are ending our first trimester, I guess (pray) it's as safe as it can be to tell the cyberworld that baby makes 3.
After years of believing that conception would be difficult, I can't tell you the joy I felt at seeing those two little lines. I prayed and prayed that whichever number of lines were on it, that I'd feel God's peace and know He has a great plan for the husband and I. And then I saw two lines. Two very pink lines. I about lost my mind and haven't found it since!
So, while I plan to keep a separate, private little blog to record the things none of you care a thing about, the bigger stuff I am still happy to report.
Sometime around July 14, 2010, baby Ninness will enter the world, God willing. I have run the gamet of emotions, from anxiety about having been married such a short amount of time before we got pregnant, to guilt at not feeling 100% elated 100% of the time, to disbelief that there is indeed something floating around inside me, to awe that God would entrust one of his most precious ones to R and I. Despite the near constant morning sickness, heartburn and raging hormonal emotions, you couldn't get me to trade this. My lifelong desire to be a mama, to raise a child, to hold a baby, has come true. Really, God, are you sure?? I think of the joy the kids I have loved have brought to my life. I think of watching Annie's first steps and serving Eason wine at her first communion. I think of holding Ashley just days after her birth and of rocking sweet Addie to sleep. I even think of my little sister, how during Mass as a little girl, I would take off my jewelry and let her pretend to keep her quiet (If only that worked now!) I think of the joy I felt when one of them chose me over someone else. I think of taking Annie to Mass as a toddler and having her content to sit on my lap and nuzzle into my neck (Lord, I'd like to order that kind of toddler please- you know, the one who behaves in Mass.) I think of watching my little cousin Alexandra explore her new country and her new home and of tickling my nephews. I have selectively chosen to forget about Eason's wretched post-nap diapers, arguing over doing homework or the sassy-ness that comes with kindergarten. I can only think of how with each one of these kids, I felt affirmed that THIS is what I am supposed to do.
So in my hormone-induced (I hope) moments of fear that I will be somebody's mama, I think of these moments and I know that despite how hard it will be, despite how half crazy I will feel sometimes, it's what HIS purpose is for ME. And I am at peace that for now, I am exactly where I should be.
Christmas post to follow...