Tuesday, February 23, 2010

First comes love, then comes marriage...

December 29, 2009

and quicker than one might have ever dreamed...then comes the baby carriage!

The delay in posts here has mostly been because I haven't wanted to tell the world wide web about our newest news. And I couldn't think of anything else to say. But as we are ending our first trimester, I guess (pray) it's as safe as it can be to tell the cyberworld that baby makes 3.

After years of believing that conception would be difficult, I can't tell you the joy I felt at seeing those two little lines. I prayed and prayed that whichever number of lines were on it, that I'd feel God's peace and know He has a great plan for the husband and I. And then I saw two lines. Two very pink lines. I about lost my mind and haven't found it since!

So, while I plan to keep a separate, private little blog to record the things none of you care a thing about, the bigger stuff I am still happy to report.

Sometime around July 14, 2010, baby Ninness will enter the world, God willing. I have run the gamet of emotions, from anxiety about having been married such a short amount of time before we got pregnant, to guilt at not feeling 100% elated 100% of the time, to disbelief that there is indeed something floating around inside me, to awe that God would entrust one of his most precious ones to R and I. Despite the near constant morning sickness, heartburn and raging hormonal emotions, you couldn't get me to trade this. My lifelong desire to be a mama, to raise a child, to hold a baby, has come true. Really, God, are you sure?? I think of the joy the kids I have loved have brought to my life. I think of watching Annie's first steps and serving Eason wine at her first communion. I think of holding Ashley just days after her birth and of rocking sweet Addie to sleep. I even think of my little sister, how during Mass as a little girl, I would take off my jewelry and let her pretend to keep her quiet (If only that worked now!) I think of the joy I felt when one of them chose me over someone else. I think of taking Annie to Mass as a toddler and having her content to sit on my lap and nuzzle into my neck (Lord, I'd like to order that kind of toddler please- you know, the one who behaves in Mass.) I think of watching my little cousin Alexandra explore her new country and her new home and of tickling my nephews. I have selectively chosen to forget about Eason's wretched post-nap diapers, arguing over doing homework or the sassy-ness that comes with kindergarten. I can only think of how with each one of these kids, I felt affirmed that THIS is what I am supposed to do.

So in my hormone-induced (I hope) moments of fear that I will be somebody's mama, I think of these moments and I know that despite how hard it will be, despite how half crazy I will feel sometimes, it's what HIS purpose is for ME. And I am at peace that for now, I am exactly where I should be.

Christmas post to follow...

1 comment:

  1. it will be the b.e.s.t. thing that ever happened to you. i promise.