January 20, 2010
My early mornings at work consist of blog stalking over breakfast. There. I said it. It's my release before I start out into the big crazy hospital. Me, my fiber one bar (or powdered donuts) and my blogs. Most of them are young women, using their blogs to vent, tell a story or minister to others. Very often, they minister to me. This one, today, makes my top 5 blogs ever list. Click over to hear a woman who admits discontentment but has the insight to know that life is usually better lived in the now.
I like this blog for so many reasons. Abby talks about her desire for finally having sufficient income. (Her husband is medical resident and they have two little girls). She dreams of the day when she can 'do this...or have that.' But the beautiful part of her heart is that she knows that more paycheck isn't the answer to the discontentment she sometimes feels. She knows that when we lack money, we usually abound in creativity. It makes me thing of a post I did awhile back about my little cousins. In an effort not to take the girls into the mall, we explored the Chattahoochee river trails. Long after they are grown, I will remember that day. Had I had a lot of extra money, we might have withered our brains in the suction cup that is the American doll store!
My pride makes me want to write that I do not covet money, that I have experienced an abundance of joy in life without it. But then I remember that 2 weeks ago I wrote about humility. Humble Keri needs to admit that I wish we had a garage, and a basement/attic to put my husband and his movie room toys. Humble Keri needs to say that I wish I could buy the $300 baby bedding I found for Little Ninness instead of the sweet hand-me-downs we've been offered or an SUV to fit the carseat that will be very snug in the Honda. Humble Keri needs to say I wish I had the money to send gifts to friends 'just because' and to fly to see those friends every few months.
But, like Abby, I realize that in the place of the money to do these things, I have so much. Without a garage, I do not have much (too much) junk. I am more aware of what we bring into our home knowing there isn't much space. And if I got a basement or a bonus room to "put my husband and his toys in" I would miss my husband. I would watch my reality soul shrinking shows at night and he would watch his movies in another part of the house. I would miss him sitting at my feet, keeping them warm. With more money, I could buy that baby bedding but then I would obsess over what good I could do for another child if I saved that money. And we all know I don't need more to obsess about. I could buy that SUV but then I wouldn't have the ability to gloat that my car is paid off like I do now (see we have a ways to go with the humility). I would then also have to budget for the gasoline that would surely take away from other luxuries. I could send gifts to friends 'just because' but then I might stop writing notes. And it really is special to get a note in the mail. I might be able to see them more often via my jet plane, but then I might not pray for them quite as much. And the Lord knows they can use my prayers more than they can use seeing this old face :)
I do have to admit, especially since my husband works extraordinarily hard for our family, that I had a hard time coming up with anything more that I really really want in the material sense. There truly isn't much more I'd do with much more money except maybe a teeny tiny shopping spree to TJ Maxx or a trip back to St. Lucia :) Regardless though, we all have our discontentment somewhere. We are discontent that we are single when we want to be married, instead of treasuring the time with our girlfriends and the ability to drink wine and eat cheese for dinner. We are discontent that we have this job when we want the other job, instead of looking for the ways in which God wants to use us in THIS job. We are discontent that we got a degree in social work instead of taking the stupid organic chem with Weschler and Space and becoming a PA, instead of thanking God for the chance to be in the lives of the strong people with HIV. We are discontent with our commute and the conditions of Atlanta roads, instead of praying for the Haitians who have no roads.
I could go on and on, as I usually do, but the message is clear. The grass is not always greener on the other side. It's usually greener on the side we're on right now. So I'll treasure my little car and my cozy home. I'll treasure my time with my husband in our living room/movie theater. I'll treasure my job, even though had I been a P.A. I could buy my SUV! I'll treasure my life, because it's the one God desires for me right now. And typically, He is a wee bit smarter than me!