Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Roller Coaster

July 29, 2009

I feel like I have lived a year in the last week. It has been a roller-coaster of ups and downs as we go full speed ahead into wedding-dom. I wouldn't change the memories we are making but Lord knows the word "elope" enters my mind regularly. And dad, YES. I KNOW you will give us money to go across the river and use the rest on a house. I KNOW. So far, I'm sticking with the wedding. But I reserve the right to change my mind.

So, the good:

This weekend I loaded up a ridiculous amount of clothes (yet still forgetting shoes and a slip) and my seven-year-old cousin and headed to Savannah. We went straight to the haven for brides that is the Gingerbread House. My grandma, my mom and my life-saving grace known to you as Katie Sullivan, came in for my first dress fitting. I tried it on and it fit like a glove. I can now save the $300 they would have charged me for alterations. Or I can continue to pour it into the price gouging wedding industry. That's probably more realistic. The time there was perfect though. The world's best maid of honor topped it off by sneaking champagne into the fitting. I'm sure they made bets on whether or not I'd spill it on my brand new, hand made gown but somebody lost cash. I sipped and smiled. And the owner did too when we left her the bottom half of the bottle!

I ended Saturday with one of my most favorite things to do in the world, go to Mass with my grandma. (I especially like the cushioned seats the old(er) folks get to sit on). I talked with the newest priest at Blessed Sacrament and hugged on some of the teenagers I babysat years ago. I let the sweet old ladies that sit next to grandma see my engagement ring and laughed as they asked me ‘why would you want to go and get married?!’ 5:30 Mass at Blessed Sacrament will always be so special to me.

Sunday was my first wedding shower. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I do not enjoy knowing I will be the center of attention. I was a little nervous but it helped that it was held in a home where I spent countless nights as a teenager and was held by a friend that sees me at 6 am some mornings and still thinks I'm cool. My grandma, aunt, cousins and friends from the days at Blessed Sacrament came together and made me feel wonderful. As if getting to marry Ross isn't enough, I get to sit with friends, act girly and open presents too. SCORE!

Now, on to the not so good.

I am writing this a few days after the drama but suffice it to say, we’ve had a few glitches in the wedding planning process. Looking back to last week, they weren’t that big, but at the time, whoa! I. melted. Down. For anyone who received an invitation, we are indeed hosting a reception. And for out of town guests, you will shortly be receiving a new card with lots more details on it. P.S. wedding planners are not over-rated. They are over-paid, but not over-rated. I have neither the funds nor the willingness to pay their outlandish prices, but don’t think I haven’t thought about it. I am finding that I need to take a page out of my sister and sister-in-law’s books. I need to toughen this sensitive skin of mine and care just a teensy bit less what people think of me. This insatiable desire to please people has served me well in life in many areas but is kicking my butt right now. Note to self: you will NOT please everyone who comes to your wedding. People will have opinions and judgments, just as you have had at countless weddings. Note to self number 2: NEVER EVER judge another person’s wedding again.

So, as we approach this last weekend of showers so generously given by family and friends, I have spent some rich time reflecting and praying. My good friend Father Tim has for years been touting the benefits of at least 10 minutes of focused prayer each day. Turns out, he’s got a point. My time in prayer this week has calmed my anxieties and brought comfort to my heart. More than anything in the world, I want my little brother to be at my wedding. He won’t be. God is daily bringing me peace about this. I want our guests to see the fruits of mom and Katie’s hard work and to have a good time at our wedding. God is showing me that we will have wonderful wedding, glitches or not. I want to keep my focus on the holiness of the sacrament and the God who brought us together, not on Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt. These 10 minutes a day are helping me immensely here.

So, we are 59 days from the wedding. And as excited as I am for it to be here, I’m a teeny tiny bit more excited for 60 days from now. For the day I am Ross’s wife and we can truly begin our lives together. Now I just need to take a deep breath and ride the roller coaster for two more, hopefully short, months!

the hostesses with mom and I

the maid of honor

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