February 9, 2010
A week from tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and today I got a little, tiny knock on the door of my heart. Truthfully, I am not sure I will listen. I am pretty sure I know what I am doing for Lent, giving up something that is not good for me but more along the lines of superficial and adding something that I know will grow my heart and my marriage. Any hoo, today I was reading a few (okay a lot) of blogs. I don't know if it's the social worker in me or just the nosy woman in me, but reading about people's lives is fascinating to me. On the good side, I feel related to and in solidarity with some amazing women. I have a chance to pray for someone else every morning and, from knowing bits of their stories, feel authentic in my prayer. And let's face it, seeing pictures of cute kids brightens up any Grady day. But then the bad is there too. Recently a post by a certain blog-celebrity in Alabama revealed her concern that blogging has a negative side as well. And for me and most of the female gender, the negative side is the tendency to COMPARE. We compare our homes to the blogs we read. We compare our talents and gifts. We even (okay I) compare the size of of our pregnant bellies. I mean, seriously, the size of another woman's bump. Get a grip. But in all honesty, I have never felt inadequate while reading a blog until today. I won't get into the details or reveal the blog because that only feeds it for the rest of us. But, suffice it to say, I now need to learn how to sew, embroider, paint furniture, redecorate my home, coupon, cook, bake, and come up with cool art projects to do with my kid. I also need to birth this baby and be a size 2 in 6 weeks and to have an hour of devotional time a day. And maybe even mop the floors more.
So, today I am humbled. And a part of me needs to pray about whether or not I should give up reading blogs for the 40 days ahead of me. Really, God knows that I don't need an extra reason to feel inadequate. I am really not sure I could do it, esp with my desire to get all the latest information on baby. I mean, it's 2010 folks. "What to Expect" just isn't sufficient anymore!
I wouldn't go betting on me. I think my mind is set about Lent. But it can't hurt to take it down a notch. I'm pretty sure the Lord is okay with who I am, where I am.